The depression that characterizes Stage 3, turns into pleasant surprise as Stage 4 unfolds. Several important landmarks signify the onset of Stage 4:
* For the first time you hear one of your favorite teenage songs on the classic rock station.
* You see one of those record compilation commercials for a CD of music from your "youth" Like my favorite "Freedom Rock,"
* "I'll never drink again," turns into "I can't drink anymore like I used to."
This is the age where, as Chris Rock put it, you're now, "the old guy in the club." Not old, but just a little too old to be in the club. You think its weird funny at first, hearing your old favorite songs on the classic rock station. You go get your hair cut and you make a joke that references an old movie that you like and the girl has no idea what you're talking about.
You're at the mall, shopping with you wife, because she says you never want to do anything with her, and you don't see the point because all you end up doing anyways is just sitting in that seat outside the dressing room reserved for miserable, married men who've been castrated by their wives, and you just keep checking your Facebook over and over again, then you notice out of the corner of your eyes, this group of hot giggling girls and you realize that those teenage girls you're looking at are old enough to be your daughters.
Yeah thats a lot like what Stage 4 is like.
Musically, Stage 4, is like a man torn between two lovers. On one hand you got your old favorites, but you don't hear them in clubs anymore. You only hear them in bars when people put it on the jukebox, on a night when nobody is there, or some group of youngsters sing it as a karaoke goof.
After a few years, that gets old.
You try to stay on top of new music, but with every passing year it gets harder. For example I just looked at the current Billboard Top Ten. Eight names I've never, ever heard of. One name I've heard people mention but I've never heard anything they've ever done, and one person I think I saw on an acne commercial once or twice.
I used to love watching The Grammys and the MTV music awards, but I can't anymore because I don't know who the hell anyone is.
So by the time you figure out that you can't keep up with modern music anymore, you don't really care anyways.
There are a few newer artists making music nowadays that I find interesting, like The Black Keys, or The Mars Volta, who I listened to a couple years ago. But I couldn't tell you much about them or how many records they've put out and I really only heard their songs a few times, agreed that yeah, they're ok, and then never heard them again. It's just really hard for me to make room for new artists these days.
I've heard quite a few Radiohead songs, they're music is good, but I don't know much about them and don't know if they're still making albums.
I really like System of a Down, but I think they broke up.
I've always liked the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but I don't keep up with them, I didn't get into the last album they did and I don't know if they've put anything out recently.
I like the foo fighters but I'm only familiar with the songs they play on the radio.
I'm not a big fan of modern heavy metal these days. I never thought I would ever say this, but its just getting too damn noisy for me to enjoy. I find it either annoying with the "cookie monster vocals," that is if they're still doing the cookie monster vocals thing, and if they're not I really don't care, cuz I don't wanna listen to it anyways.
Once in a while when I'm in the mood I might listen to System of a Down, but my headbanging days are pretty much over.
The artists on my I-phone today include, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Nirvana, The Ramones, The Misfits, Danzig (his first two solo albums only), Social Distortion, Iggy Pop, Velvet Undergound, Sex Pistols,David Bowie...
I'll be 39 this fall. I've probably got more time behind me than ahead of me now. I've found my comfort zone- musically, and thats where I want to stay. I'm pushing 40, and there's no way I want to be one of those 40 year old douchebags pretending to be all hip with all the kids music and fashions n shit.
This is the latter half of stage 4. Other interesting things start happening too. Those pains in your knees and back that you occasionally wake up with, are becoming more frequent. You say its because, "you must've slept wrong last night." but who are you fooling? you have a tempur pedic mattress.
You drink Pepsi, not because it makes you feel young, but because it helps you burp. You stay away from pizza and beer not because you're watching your weight but because it gives you excruciating indigestion. You go out on Friday night, not because you're ready to party, but because its you and your wife's predetermined 'date night' and while you're not too thrilled about going out because one of you has to stay sober so they can drive, and this week its your turn, but still it beats staying at home and having to deal with the kids and all their bullshit.
OK ENOUGH SERIOUS SHIT, LET'S TAKE A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE BREAK, SHALL WE?
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Wow, that was a lot, let's go over what we've covered so far
Stage 4
* Begins with the enjoyment of the novelty of things you used to listen to, being relegated to the ranks of nostalgia.
* Attempts to hang on to your youth, stay hip and pretend you're not getting older.
* Eventual resignation and acceptance combined with extreme 'south park-like' cynicism where everything begins to sound and look like shit.
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Stage 5?
I'm not too sure about what stage 5 is. I'm still in the last part of stage 4 and I don't see that changing any time soon.
But I have some projections. It's hard though, considering I never, ever thought I would make it to thirty, and rock and roll doesn't really have an old timers day. Know what I mean?
* If you're lucky, you will enter old age, beat up but still functional and looking descent(considering the heavy mileage you've got) and still able to rock out without making it seem like you're trying to hard like a douchebag in denial.
* You end up as one of those "rapping granny" type old people. haha, oh how cute! it's so great to see someone your age still being active and refusing to give in to old age...uh, um ok you can stop now, becuz its starting to get creepy.
You shuffle in gloom of the sickroom
And talk to yourself as you die.
And talk to yourself as you die.
- Free Four, Pink Floyd.
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