The Six Types of Annoying Guitar Players

  1. The Poser

 These are guys you see hanging around coffee shops with an acoustic guitar. They can also be found on college campus quads and house parties. They pretend to play guitar, and take advantage of unsuspecting females in hopes that they'll get laid.

While most guitar players took up the instrument in hopes that it'll get them girls, the guitar player differs from the poser in that the guitarist can actually play and demonstrate skill, while the poser thinks the guitar alone will get them laid.

2. THE STRUGGLING ARTIST SINGER/SONGWRITER

These are the guys you see at open mic nights and occasionally busking on street corners, or playing at your local bar. Most people have at least one Facebook Friend who fits this profile. They are always plugging their latest self made CD, or sending you a endless stream of invites for their next open mic night appearance. These are the kind of guys that go into Guitar Center and play their own music.


3. THE SPEED DEMON

Your only tempo: Fast.
Your only level: Loud.

You are all about technique and precision. You have truly mastered your weapon and aren’t afraid to show it. However, sometimes your solos go on just a little bit too long. More to the point, subtlety is not in your dictionary. These are the guys that go into Guitar Center get hard playing super fast scales and arpeggios all day long.

I once heard a woman say that you could tell how a guy is in bed by how he plays guitar. If that's true then maybe being the fastest guitar player in the world isn't necessarily a good thing.

If you can make it through this entire Yngwie Malmsteen video you might be a speed demon. Good luck, I couldn't.

4. THE IDGAF GUITARIST

You never took a lesson in a day in your life, and you may never have touched a guitar before but that won’t stop you from rocking out. You don’t even need to know how to play. Not only do you not need skills, you don’t even need good looks. These are guys who won't even go into Guitar Center because fuck Guitar Center they're playing something they found at a Pawn Shop or a $100 Montgomery Wards guitar like Jack White because fuck it Loud and fast is what all good music is about anyway.

5. THE HOT CHICK

You'll rarely ever see these Hot Chicks with Guitars performing in person and they only ever seem to be found on Youtube with their own channels. The hot chick can resemble a wannabe Struggling Artist /Singer Songwriter.


6. THE OLD GUY

These old farts have one foot in the grave and are Knock, Knock Knocking on Heavens Door. The only reason they're attempting to learn to play is because they saw an Esteban Infomercial on TV like this one: