The Five Stages of Rock: Stage 4 & 5

  

 

   The depression that characterizes Stage 3, turns into pleasant surprise as Stage 4 unfolds.  Several important landmarks signify the onset of Stage 4:



* For the first time you hear one of your favorite teenage songs on the classic rock station.

* You see one of those record compilation commercials for a CD of music from your "youth"  Like my favorite "Freedom Rock,"
 
* "I'll never drink again," turns into "I can't drink anymore like I  used to."



   This is the age where, as Chris Rock put it, you're now, "the old guy in the club." Not old, but just a little too old to be in the club. You think its weird funny at first, hearing your old favorite songs on the classic rock station. You go get your hair cut and you make a joke that references an old movie that you like and the girl has no idea what you're talking about. 
   You're at the mall, shopping with you wife, because she says you never want to do anything with her, and you don't see the point because all you end up doing anyways is just sitting in that seat outside the dressing room reserved for miserable, married men who've been castrated by their wives, and you just keep checking your Facebook over and over again, then you notice out of the corner of your eyes, this group of hot giggling girls and you realize that those teenage girls you're looking at are old enough to be your daughters. 

Yeah thats a lot like what Stage 4 is like. 

   Musically, Stage 4, is like a man torn between two lovers. On one hand you got your old favorites, but you don't hear them in clubs anymore. You only hear them in bars when people put it on the jukebox, on a night when nobody is there, or some group of youngsters sing it as a karaoke goof. 
After a few years, that gets old.


   You try to stay on top of new music, but with every passing year it gets harder. For example I just looked at the current Billboard Top Ten. Eight names I've never, ever heard of. One name I've heard people mention but I've never heard anything they've ever done, and one person I think I saw on an acne commercial once or twice. 
   I used to love watching The Grammys and the MTV music awards, but I can't anymore because I don't know who the hell anyone is. 

   And not that I want to anyways. Everything just sounds like crap. 

   So by the time you figure out that you can't keep up with modern music anymore, you don't really care anyways.

   There are a few newer artists making music nowadays that I find interesting, like The Black Keys, or The Mars Volta, who I listened to a couple years ago. But I couldn't tell you much about them or how many records they've put out and I really only heard their songs a few times, agreed that yeah, they're ok, and then never heard them again. It's just really hard for me to make room for new artists these days.

   I've heard quite a few Radiohead songs, they're music is good, but I don't know much about them and don't know if they're still making albums. 


   I really like System of a Down, but I think they broke up.


   I've always liked the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but I don't keep up with them, I didn't get into the last album they did and I don't know if they've put anything out recently. 


   I like the foo fighters but I'm only familiar with the songs they play on the radio.

   I'm not a big fan of modern heavy metal these days. I never thought I would ever say this, but its just getting too damn noisy for me to enjoy. I find it either annoying with the "cookie monster vocals," that is if they're still doing the cookie monster vocals thing, and if they're not I really don't care, cuz I don't wanna listen to it anyways. 

   Once in a while when I'm in the mood I might listen to System of a Down, but my headbanging days are pretty much over. 


   The artists on my I-phone today include, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Nirvana, The Ramones, The Misfits, Danzig (his first two solo albums only), Social Distortion, Iggy Pop, Velvet Undergound, Sex Pistols,David Bowie...


   I'll be 39 this fall. I've probably got more time behind me than ahead of me now. I've found my comfort zone- musically, and thats where I want to stay. I'm pushing 40, and there's no way I want to be one of those 40 year old douchebags pretending to be all hip with all the kids music and fashions n shit. 

   This is the latter half of stage 4. Other interesting things start happening too. Those pains in your knees and back that you occasionally wake up with, are becoming more frequent. You say its because, "you must've slept wrong last night." but who are you fooling? you have a tempur pedic mattress. 


   You drink Pepsi, not because it makes you feel young, but because it helps you burp. You stay away from pizza and beer not because you're watching your weight but because it gives you excruciating indigestion. You go out on Friday night, not because you're ready to party, but because its you and your wife's predetermined 'date night' and while you're not too thrilled about going out because one of you has to stay sober so they can drive, and this week its your turn, but still it beats staying at home and having to deal with the kids and all their bullshit.  


OK ENOUGH SERIOUS SHIT, LET'S TAKE A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE BREAK, SHALL WE?

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Wow, that was a lot, let's go over what we've covered so far

   

Stage 4

* Begins with the enjoyment of the novelty of things you used to listen to, being relegated to the ranks of nostalgia.

* Attempts to hang on to your youth, stay hip and pretend you're not getting older.

* Eventual resignation and acceptance combined with extreme 'south park-like' cynicism where everything begins to sound and look like shit.

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Stage 5? 

   I'm not too sure about what stage 5 is. I'm still in the last part of stage 4 and I don't see that changing any time soon. 

But I have some projections. It's hard though, considering I never, ever thought I would make it to thirty, and rock and roll doesn't really have an old timers day. Know what I mean?

* If you're lucky, you will enter old age, beat up but still functional and looking descent(considering the heavy mileage you've got) and still able to rock out without making it seem like you're trying to hard like a douchebag in denial.

 

* You end up as one of those "rapping granny" type old people. haha, oh how cute! it's so great to see someone your age still being active and refusing to give in to old age...uh, um ok you can stop now, becuz its starting to get creepy.

 

 * You end up just an old cynical asshole. The new music sounds like shit. The old music you've heard too many times, and you're tired of it...Reminds me of a Pink Floyd Song...

You shuffle in gloom of the sickroom
And talk to yourself as you die.

 - Free Four, Pink Floyd.

The Five Stages of Rock: Stage 2

Stage 2: Mr. Sensitive Pony Tail Man.

   In my early 20's I was basically a teenager with money. Then at 25-27 I hit the first ever introspective period of my life. That led to my late 20's which I basically ruined with my preoccupation over the fact that 30 was fast approaching. 

 

  Thats a very rare picture of me in my early 20's. Rocking my "Mr. Sensitive Pony Tail Man," Look.

  Turning 18 was like life playing a cruel joke on you. You're old enough to vote, die for your country, buy cigarettes, win the lottery, go to certain non-alcohol serving titty bars, but not old enough to buy booze. 

   In my early 20's I traded hanging out at the mall, for hanging out at the bar - almost nightly, and then showing up to work everyday extremely hungover. Lots of house parties, concerts and clubs. 

   But not dance, top 40, rap friggin clubs. I'm talking more like industrial/rock clubs. Places that you would hear everything from Nirvana and Nine Inch Nails to more industrial, techno-ish stuff. Crowds of all rockers and goths. 

   My musical tastes underwent a drastic change. Metal gave way to Grunge, and as a guitarist this marked a fundamental change in the way I approached music and guitar playing. 

   Heavy Metal had been about how fast you can play, how many scales and modes do you know, how long can you guitar solo for and how many riffs can you fit into one song. And there were only two looks. Either you had long hair and looked like a sissy or you had long hair and looked like a psychotic drifter.

   When Nirvana released Nevermind in 1992, it shared the Billboard Top Ten  with the likes of Garth Brooks, Michael Jackson, Michael Bolton and MC. Hammer. 

   The first time I heard Nirvana, I didn't know what to make of it. It was the kind of confusion I imagine you would have meeting an alien civilization. There were no guitar solos, and the guitar was out of tune. As far as the vocals go, the earth shattering highs that you heard in most of the metal bands was obviously missing. Kurt Cobain was dressed more like a vagrant panhandler than a rock musician. From a guitarists point of view, the music was so simple and it was so damn heavy. I can't tell you how many nights I spent listening to Nevermind over and over again, playing along to the songs with an almost anger over how easy they were. 

   "These songs are so fucking simple, why couldn't I have thought of this?"

     

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   The 90's was a great decade for rock music. I don't think the 90's have been given the proper credit they deserve, but I think time will eventually show this to be true. 

   So as my cassettes turned into cd's my music collection became filled with other innovators like Nine Inch Nails, Tool, Rage Against the Machine, Alice in Chains and many others.

 

 After a while the 'newness' of grunge rock wore off and then it became a scene just as ridiculous as the whole metal scene had been before.

Boy You Said It Family Guy!

   Just like Metal, which was cool, developed Hair Metal which was totally lame - Grunge which was cool developed this horrible caricature of itself which was also totally lame. Just like Family Guy said, you had this barrage of what I call 'low singers' you know your Dave Mathews, and Creeds, and Rob Thomases of the world . 

   So What Does All This Shit Have to do with Stage 2? 

Ok so just in case I wandered too far off topic, let me explain

   Grunge came along and (at least at first, when it was still new) showed people that you didn't have to fit into a certain stereotype if you wanna frigging rock out hard. You don't have to look or sound a certain way. Grunge was that weird kid in the back of class that nobody talked to, that wore ratty clothes and never combed his hair. 

   Once I saw Kurt Cobain, and the grunge movement show the world that, you should never conform to what others are doing, and its totally cool to be yourself, musically, artistically, personally - That was the day I decided to do the same. 

   My teens were spent desperately trying to fit in, and find an identity for myself...My twenties began with me realizing how futile that is. You can't find an identity for yourself, because "yourself" is the identity. The sooner you accept yourself, your life, your present circumstances, the sooner you can actually start living your life instead of just surviving thru it. 

   Some people never get past that, and spend the rest of their lives always trying in vain to "find themselves" always trying to please other people

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But You Don't Have to Take My Word For It

 Listen to these Other Famous Successful Graduates of Stage 2

“Don’t die with your music still inside you. Listen to your intuitive inner voice and find what passion stirs your soul. Listen to that inner voice, and don’t get to the end of your life and say, ‘What if my whole life has been wrong?” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary - Steve Jobs

Next time on Guitardedblog.com - The Five Stages of Rock: Stage 3

The Five Stages of Rock N Roll: Stage 1

Stage 1: 'F*CK YEAH MOTHERF*CKER!!'

   I was an angry, hateful teenager. I hated school, teachers, the students, their parents, my parents, organized religion...messy religion (haha) the good looking girls that shunned me, the ugly girls that thought they were good looking and who also shunned me as well as the jocks, preppies, math nerds, science nerds. art fags, drama fags, cowboys, rappers, goths, punk rockers, skin heads, cholos, and those guys that all they ever talked about were muscle cars, or guns. I was a stoner, metalhead, rocker, hessian (I never understood hessian, how are headbangers and german mercenaries from the 18th century alike?) and I even hated most of the other stoner-metalheads. 

   So I listened to angry music. Metallica (until they put out the Black Album) Megadeth, Anthrax, Slayer, among many others. Grew my hair long and wore black, experimented with drugs, got into some trouble with the law, never got laid, never had a girlfriend, never had a date, never went to a dance, didn't go to prom, never showed up at school for picture day. 

Highlights of Stage 1

• Age 13: I had drank before but at 13 was the first time I got really drunk
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• Age 14: started smoking cigarettes
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• Age 14: Smoked weed
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• Age 14: First time I was allowed to go with my cousins to the bars in Mexico. 
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• Age 15: First concert, Metallica w/Queensryche
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• Age 15: Tried LSD, which became somewhat of a semi-regular habit.
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• Age 16: Was hanging out with a group of 20-something homeless drug addicts. I would often disappear for days at a time, sleeping under bridges or on church rooftops.
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•  Ran away from home at age 16/17 (can't remember now) to Santa Barbara , CA where I lived in a car with three people I didn't know.  While we were there we broke into a car, stole some dudes weed stash, went shopping while I watched the people I was with bounce an $800 check for groceries, and went to one of the dudes girlfriends house where, while he was talking to her in the house, I was "drafted" to sneak into the guest house to take the "money machine" - one of those big crystal water jugs full of change and bills. This financed our trip back to Phoenix.
•  

My first DUI at age 17


    I was a rotten kid. I hated myself, and everyone around me. I was impossible to keep control of. There was nothing you could do or say to me. You couldn't take away my shit, because I didn't have anything. You couldn't ground me, I would sneak out. 

   You could try knocking me around, but I would knock you right back. I never minded getting hurt or beat up a little, bruises and wounds heal. So the threat of physical punishment meant nothing to me. 
 
   The Way I saw it, everybody takes a beating sometime. - Henry Hill, from Goodfellas.


  Besides a certain amount of pain is good. It lets you know you're still alive. Sometimes you can be so helplessly depressed, that you'll believe that THE ONLY way to feel anything else is to experience pain. At least thats how I used to see it. I spent my fair share of time carving anarchy symbols and pentagrams on my forearms.
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   By the time I was 21, I had long been using alcohol and drugs to self medicate myself. When I was in hyperactive mode, alcohol or weed helped calm me down. When I was depressed or having the usual racing thoughts then alcohol killed all thought in my brain, like 'liquid meditation,' if you know what I mean. And if you know what I mean, then congrats because that means you are f*cking cool as hell. You're the Kitties Titties!

   But the thing with weed was that I never had any money because I could never hold down a job. Besides, I hate always having to 'score' all the time, and in the days before cell phones scoring weed could be a major pain in the ass. I tried growing it on a few occassions but that never worked. So if it was around I would smoke it, if I had money and the opportunity came along, I would buy. If a friend had some and was busting out with everyone else, count me in, but I never went out of my way for it, and alcohol is so much easier to take.  


   And of course there is the music....

  Back in the 80's my world revolved around Metallica. 'I celebrated their entire catalog.' For my money there was just no other band that was as hard, and fast, while still managing to remain melodic. "Master of Puppets" is a masterpiece. I loved the progressive tone of the album, 8 minute+ songs with three main riffs and at least two guitar solos. This was all lost with the Black Album, but we'll get to that in stage 2. Metal, and headbanging, moshing, thrashing on my guitar was the only way I could let out all the anger I was feeling.

   But why the hell are you so angry in Stage 1, When the Music is so F*kkin Cool?

   I was angry for a lot of reasons but besides the fact that your hormones are in overdrive, most of my anger had to do with being ostracized, left out, hunted, despised...

Home, I have no home, hunted, despised, living like an Animal!

   Years before I entered high school and my teenage years, my social fate was sealed as the oddball, the weird dude, the one who doesn't say much. The, "yeah he's alright but he's just a little..off, you know" 

   Stage 1 is where you really begin to realize this, but you are in denial of it. You still haven't accepted your fate by removing yourself of all labels and "types"... and by types, I mean that you no longer feel the need to have to be either a rocker or a jock, or a preppy, or a theater geek, whatever... 

   All you know is that your situation sucks and you don't how to fix it. The anger is a byproduct of this resistance to the way things are. And since it seems that the harder you try to fit in, the more you just stand out, there is only one thing to do...Smoke cigarettes, get drunk on cheap beer, get stoned on bad weed, and turn the music up louder than you secretly admit is reasonable, just so you can get a kick out of telling whoever asks you to turn it down, to f*ck off.

   I got kicked out of many public buses for not turning my walkman down. And I'm talking about the old ass walkmans, the ones that used 4 AA batteries instead of two. Now those f*kkers were noisy.

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Ok I've Covered A lot, So Let me Explain...

 

  The Five Stages of Rock

Stage 1: F*ck Yeah Motherf*cker!

• Raging Hormones
• Misplaced Aggression
• Realization that the teenage social status boundaries have already been drawn
• Accompanied by the realization that, that means you're pretty much screwed.
• Cheap beer, bad sex (if you're lucky) good drugs. (if you're real lucky)

• Kick ass tunes. 

Next Time: The Five Stages of Rock, Stage 2

 

 

 

 

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