Showing posts with label bi-polar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bi-polar. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

What the Hell Happened to Syd Barrett?

 
Insanity: A perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world. - R.D. Laing [psychiatrist]

he thought it was all a bit of fun really, it was just something he'd enjoyed. He never wrote a piece of music to make money, he wrote it because it was in his head and it was enjoyable to do so. - Rosemary Breen, Syd's Sister.

"All I ever wanted to do as a kid [was] play guitar properly and jump around, but too many people got in the way." - Syd Barrett

 Today I want to talk about what happened to Syd Barrett and why it's important today. Barrett was a founding member of Pink Floyd. He named the band after two obscure blues men Pink Anderson and Floyd Council. In 1968 he was dismissed over his increasingly erratic behavior and heavy drug use. 

  I'm not going to spend a lot of time going over Barrett's past. This is not a biography. I will post some links and sources for further reading into Barrett's life. 
Barrett in the Early 90's

 After scoring a couple singles with The Floyd that entered the charts, he released two solo albums before eventually withdrawing completely from the public view in 1974 at the age of 28, Barrett was done with being Syd and went back to his given name Roger. He lived his life simply, spending his time painting and gardening. He did not like being reminded about his past as a musician and the other members of Pink Floyd had no direct contact with him. In 1992 Atlantic Records even offered him 75,000 British Pounds to record anything he wanted, in his home if necessary. Although its rumored that his family did consider the offer, Barrett simply declined flat out.

Some dickhead fan, knocks on Syd Barrett's door. Barrett spent a lot of his time dealing with people constantly knocking on his door, camping out in front of his house. and following him around town. It is said that he found it quite strange that people still cared about the musical recordings he made so many years ago.

 Since Syd Barrett never receved an official diagnosis during his lifetime, speculation still persists over what the hell happened to him. Lots of posthumous diagnoses have been suggested ranging from Aspergers, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, and just plain old acid burnout. I'm not a big fan of posthumous diagnoses, I just don't think they are effective, but just this once, I'll put my usual hesitations aside.

 Barrett in 1975 crashing the Wish You Were recording sessions at Abbey Road Studios. Rick Wright said when he saw him, 'He kept standing up and brushing his teeth, putting his toothbrush away and sitting down. Then at one point he stood up and said, 'Right, when do I put my guitar on?' And of course he didn't have a guitar with him'

...he [Syd] had psychiatric problems, and was actually in a sanitorium. He doesn't have any involvement with anything or anybody. He is a recluse... I see him very rarely. I mean, I know where he is, but he doesn't want to be bothered; he just sits there on his own, watching television all day and getting fat. That's what he does -  Bryan Morrison (former Pink Floyd manager and publisher)

"In my opinion, his nervous breakdown would have happened anyway. It was a deep-rooted thing. But I'll say the psychedelic experience might well have acted as a catalyst. Still, I just don't think he could deal with the vision of success and all the things that went with it.-  David Gilmour,
Pink Floyd

...acid to a large extent can exacerbate that collection of symptoms we put together loosely described as schizophrenia...There is no doubt that Syd was schizophrenic and that he was taking those drugs at the same time. - Roger Waters,
Pink Floyd
 
I believe that Acid had a huge part to play in it...99.9% sure. - Rick Wright, Pink Floyd

He wasn't mentally ill in any way, he was different, eccentric, his mind and ideas were simply different from the considered norm. Thank goodness we are not all the same, we need people like Syd to add colour to our lives. - Rosemary Breen, Barrett's sister.

 

  
For me, to say Barrett simply went crazy, or was an acid casualty, is such an extremely simplistic explanation that it falls short of explaining what really happened. 


  Aspergers Syndrome [link to wikipedia], is an autism spectrum disorder and its characterized by extreme difficulties in socical interactions and repetitive patterns of behavior.  However, this is rare and it starts in childhood and stays consistent through life. In the books, "A Saucerfull of Secrets: The Pink Floyd Odyssey," and "A Very Irregular Head: The Life of Syd Barrett," it is made very clear by his friends and family that he was a very upbeat and charming kid. It is well documented by his friends and band mates that his decline didn't start until the mid/late 1960's shortly before his departure from Pink Floyd in the beginning of 1968. Post Floyd Barrett has been called, "mad," "paranoid" and "crazed."



Bipolar Disorder [link to wikipedia]  doesn't seem to fit either. Being Bipolar myself, I don't see anything resembling bipolar when reading the books and numerous interviews that have been conducted amongst his friends and bandmates. What seems to have happened with Barrett is a slow steady decline into madness versus the highs and lows that characterize bipolar disorder. I would imagine that someone in his position that was bipolar would've seen several attempt to re-enter music throughout the 70's and 80's during high periods. 


 Schizophrenia [link to wikipedia] seems to manifest in the late teens or early twenties. Starting with minor oddities and quirks it progresses into a full blown breakdown of the thought processes. It's characterized hallucinations/delusions, disorganized speech/thinking, difficulties working and extreme social isolation. These symptoms are wide ranging and there are many expressions of them in this broad spectrum of schizophrenia.

 This is the generally accepted view by those who knew him and also by mental health professionals today. The University of California San Francisco Med School even did a lecture on changes in people developing schizophrenia, and used Barrett as an example. 

 This would seem to fit Barrett however his mental decline doesn't seem to come into question until he began his marathon like use of LSD.




 What I think really happened was that Barrett suffered from an LSD-induced Schizophrenic Psychosis that was exacerbated by a genetic predisposition to mental illness and the pressures of being suddenly thrown into Pop stardom, which he was completely unprepared for.  

 An LSD induced schizophrenic psychosis, can happened after taking acid one time or after taking it multiple times.

  Long term LSD use predisposes the user to psychotic personality changes and even to schizophrenic psychotic symptoms. However, distinguishing between psychotic symptoms related to LSD use and other pre-existing mental disorders is very difficult - Sami Pirkola, Senior Research Scientist, National Public Health Institute. 

 My Schizophrenic Psychotic view differs from the classic schizophrenia diagnosis in that I don't believe he had it before he started taking drugs. I believe his heavy use of LSD triggered a Psychotic State [link to wikipedia] or a loss of contact with reality. And this state may have lasted for several years until he completely withdrew from the public view in 1974. After this psychosis from extremely heavy LSD use went away he was left a solitary figure resembling more a schizophrenic who was extremely reclusive, extremely intent not to be around anybody that reminded him of his past and someone extremely paranoid and suspicious of people in general as his sister Rosemary once said in an interview after Syd's death.

He did however become more selective, when he was younger everyone was his friend, after the Floyd I think there was lots of issues and it made him much more wary of human contact. Not everyone had good motives towards him; therefore I think he became quite suspicious of people.- Rosemary Breen




    Barrett, 2002

  Barrett, it is reported, spend upwards of 8 years in a mental institution sometime after went into his self-imposed exile. However, he was never given an official diagnosis. This could be due to the fact that the full spectrum of schizophrenia and the affects of LSD on mental conditions was not widely understood at that time. We have a much better understanding of that now, especially with drugs like crystal meth and bath salts. 

  It's Important to see that we may take certain drugs today, thinking there will be no long term consequences but that doesn't mean that there won't be any 10-20 years from now. I'm including all drugs, legal and illegal, but mostly illegal.

IN CONCLUSION

Let me try to explain everything so far:




  It's ultimately impossible to know whether Syd Barrett already had schizophrenia in him or if it was the LSD that created it.  What we do know is that Syd Barrett had everything going for him and what did he get at the end of it all?



BOY YOU SAID IT WILLY WONKA!



 Links

 
Book: A Very Irregular Head: The life of Syd Barrett,
by Rob Chapman. 
 
Book: A Saucerful of Secrets: The Pink Floyd Odyssey, by Nicholas Schaffner
 
Video: The Pink Floyd and Syd Barrrett Story, BBC, 2003
 
WEBSITE: Syd Barrett, Pink Floyd and Mental Illness www.schizophrenia.com/
stories/sbarrett.htm  
 
 
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Sunday, March 10, 2013

Pull Your Damn Guitars Up!


WHY YOU LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE WHEN YOUR GUITAR STRAP IS TOO LOW



  I view these kids who play with their guitars too low in much the same way I view these kids who walk around with their pants hanging around their God damn ankles.



 It doesn't make you look cool, it just makes you look like an ignorant, uneducated piece of trash.



You kids pull your god damn guitars back up!

I'm almost 40 now. Since life expectancy these days is roughly 78 years, that technically puts me in middle age. My beef with douchebags who wear their guitars too low makes me the musical version of the angry old man who's always yelling at the neighborhood kids to 'get the hell off my lawn!' 





I believe in first impressions. For example, when I see someone wearing their pants around their ankles I get the impression that this is someone who mistakenly believes they look good when they really don't and are willing to stick to this erroneous belief even at risk of ridicule, unemployment and profiling by law enforcement. 

When I see someone wearing their guitar too low I get the impression that this too is someone who mistakenly believes they look good when they really don't, and that "looking good with the guitar" is ultimately more important than anything you actually play on the guitar. 


   And as a lifelong guitar player, I hold the instrument in a much higher regard. Yes the way you play is important because playing a certain way is better for your technique. 

 I also believe that if you wanna play great music then you need to look like you're playing great music. 

But I think its disrepecting to the guitar and to all the great guitarists in history to view your guitar as nothing more than simply a fashion accessory. 

Wearing your guitar too low also hinders the rest of your band as it doesn't present the music very well. If you truly did care about image then you would never wear your guitar like that.

  What do you think presents the music better?

  someone who wears their guitar this?

or 

someone who wears their guitar this?
 



 Besides, the lower your guitar hangs, the harder it is on your fret hand wrist, and your technique will suffer as a result. 


  In the photo above, Prince, shows how its done. You should have the guitar no higher or lower than belt level. This length looks best and is easy on the wrist, unless you have short alligator arms which in that case you may need to stop reading this and seriously consider changing hobbies.

 CORRECT. One again take note of the fret hand wrist and how it is resting in a natural, un-inverted position.

 Incorrect. Playing like this will also make you an alcoholic and will eventually kill you as Steve Clark has already so masterfully shown us. 


 
Correct


Incorrect 


A NOTE ON JIMMY PAGE

Techically, I would call this too low, but Jimmy Page is an exception to the rule. His arms are so damn long that he can comfortably play this low. Note how his fret hand wrist is still in a natural, unbent position. 

  Also, he's not calling attention to the fact he's playing low. 

He's doing it with class unlike the following douches below...



   

HOWEVER

  
If you're wearing pants and you wear 'em too low you look like an asshole but if you wear them too high you also look like an asshole. 

Don't rest the guitar on your belly, it looks lazy. Also note how wearing the guitar too high also leads to the un-natural position of the fret hand wrist.

Besides, wearing your guitar that high does not give the impression of confidence. It just makes it look like you're trying too hard, and you have not yet reached the level where you can just let it rip without a care in the world


like this...



Who do you think looks like the more confident, able guitarist? 

 
 someone who plays like this

  
someone who plays like this?

or 
 like this?


The first two DOUCHEBAGS just look like they're playing guitar. 

Hendrix and Gilmour look like THE GUITAR IS PLAYING THEM.

And that right there is the next level I want you to reach




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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Don't Look at Your Damn Guitar When You Play.


   One of the biggest things that get on my nerves with guitar players is when a guitarist is performing in public and they can't take their eyes off the damn guitar.

Watch the Video



   
   Do you think The Beatles ever would've conquered the world if Paul McCartney was staring at his bass trying to make sure he didn't fuck up instead of smiling so big that every teenage girl in the America wanted to fuck his brains out?


  If you said yes stop reading right now and go pawn your guitar then use the money to buy new guitar strings so you can hang yourself.





  Don't look at your guitar when you play! If you can't play without keeping your eyes fixated on the neck of your guitar then you need to keep practicing. 

  Who do you think is going to have the better performing career?



Someone Who Plays Guitar Like This?



Or Someone Who Plays Guitar Like This?






 Turn the lights off when you play, it'll help you get used to not looking at your guitar. And in the extremely unlikely event that your lame ass band that plays the Yorgurtini to a crowd of zero, ever made it big, you're going to be playing in big arenas and when there will be little or no lighting at times. 

  I'm suggesting to you that its not so much what you're playing as much as how you're playing it, look at your audience. The majority of the music listening public isn't interested in the finer points of guitar playing. Shit the majority of people don't even play guitar. Your audience wants to be entertained. 

  
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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The Doors

There are things known and things unknown and in between are the doors.- Jim Morrison

   Today's entry is about The Doors, why they have always been one of my favorite bands, why their work is important, and what I've gotten out of it - enjoy.

   I always liked the fact that in 1967 at the height of the hippie, flower power, peace and love scene, The Doors emerged as something quite different. The had top ten singles yet they wrote about death and Oedipus Rex. They had a teen sex idol for a lead singer, a drunk with a habit for getting arrested and starting near riots at concerts, yet he was a college graduate, intelligent, well-read and an author of several books of poetry. It was pop music, rock and roll, blues, performance art, and theater all rolled into one unique combination. 

  I like any reaction I can get with my music. Just anything to get people to think. I mean if you can get a whole room full of drunk, stoned people to actually wake up and think, you're doing something.- Jim Morrison

   What made The Doors musically unique were the varied backgrounds and musical styles and influences of its members. Its not very often these days that a classical keyboardist, a jazz drummer, and a blues guitarist combine to form a band. 
 
   The reason rock bands suck these days is that modern rock musicians don't have the wide array of influences that rock musicians in the 1960's had. The original Rock and Rollers didn't grow up with rock music. Before rock, it was classical, jazz, blues and country. These different influences produced highly original rock music. 

BUT HOW UNIQUE AND CREATIVE CAN YOU REALLY BE IN 2012 WHEN YOU'RE INFLUENCES THAT YOU GREW UP WITH CONSIST OF NICKELBACK AND CREED?!

  So here's what you young douchebags need to do

1. Don't be afraid to play with musicians of all styles of music. 

2. FYI: Dave Grohl was in another band before Foo Fighters, look into it. 

3. Listen to Blues. And by blues I don't mean Blues Traveller or your sisters John Mayer CD. I'm talking 1930's Delta Blues. Robert Johnson, Son House. 

4. Read Jim Morrison's biography, "No One Here Gets Out Alive." Actually, read it once a year. 

5. Just because Jim Morrison put on leather pants drank a gallon of booze and became a world famous rock star, doesn't mean you will too if you do the same thing. 



Jim Morrison Predicts the Future of Rock Music



"When You're Strange," A Documentary on the Doors.
 



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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Rise and Fall of My 2nd Marriage: As Told by the Princess Bride

When I first met the woman who became my 2nd wife, things were all...






...And then we got married and I was all...






...Then things quickly got all...






So I got sad and quickly turned to drugs and started hanging out with this one guy who was all...




But in reality I was lost, until I ran into this one dude who told me I was all...










And now I feel all...










Saturday, June 30, 2012

The Roadmap to Piece of Mind

Queen Creek SherrifDo you know why I stopped you today? - 

Me:     I'm assuming it's because of that right turn that I made coming out of the library - 

Queen Creek SherrifYou didn't think you came out of there too fast? 

Me: Do I think that turn merited police intervention? No. 





   In retrospect, I can think of some better ways I could've answered that question. I was annoyed at the question and responded poorly. I have a habit of giving in to my short temper and mood swings. I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, regardless of what may happen later. I immediately feel better, but then sometimes days later, when my  mood subsides I have to start making apologies. 

    This lash out first, apologize later method has cost me jobs, relationships, marriages, and friendships. Hell just ask my wife, I get irritated at the slightest little thing. Ava  is being bossy, and whiny or she goes to bed 5 minutes past her bedtime, or someone was cooking in the kitchen and didn't pick up after themselves. She'll get annoyed at me, and thats all thats needed for me to feel, as Pink Floyd put it, One of my turns coming on... I'm overwhelmed by this 'verbally assault you before you do it to me' attitude, and I say a bunch of stupid stuff that'll either get me kicked out of the house, or just generally ignored and ostracized, until I come back to my senses, then I've got to apologize, which I always do, but someone can only take so much of that type of behavior. Eventually all the apologizing in the world isn't enough. I walk that fine line on a pretty much daily basis. 

Jake's apology and laundry list of excuses is reminiscent of what I have to do almost daily.


   These days with a change in my medications, a new psychiatrist and months of therapy and a brief period of institutionalization later, things have improved somewhat. I still let my temper and mood get the better of me, but its not as often and instead of it taking days for me to get back to an even keel, it may only last hours. It's not much, but I'm getting there.


    It seemed the cop kept me deliberately waiting there much longer than usual. I'm assuming he ran my information thru every cop database there was looking for any little thing that he bust me for.
   
   Meanwhile, I'm sweating it out wondering if I've done anything wrong. Parking tickets, photo radar, are all my lights and blinkers working? 

   Fortunately, I was clean, and the cop let me off with just a warning, but I can't rely on getting those kind of lucky breaks every time I say something stupid.  


   I guess thats part of being bipolar. I have made some progress with this. I was given some great tools in the mental hospital that I still try to use whenever I feel, "one of my turns coming on." 

   It's called The Roadmap to Piece of Mind. It's a group of tools used to retain your brain. I won't bore you by breaking it all down, but basically the premise is that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. I fly off handle, or get easily irritated and upset because of my own opinions and beliefs, and real positive change begings when you can begin to challenge those opinions and beliefs instead of just blaming others.

 I used to blame everyone and everything else for driving me to the point I loose my cool, but for the first time ever in my life, I've come to the realization that no matter what someone or something does/says/etc... It's always me that chooses to act on my negative behaviors. 


   Yeah I know that sounds like something I should already know, but you can read that all day long, you can hear it all day long, but when you're in the middle of a bipolar mood swing, it's simply easier said than done. The highs are so incredibly high and the lows are so abysmally low that it can be downright impossible to take yourself out of the situation in order to begin to see things more productively. 


   I've heard it said once that 'you can't learn to swim by reading it on the internet.' You can read about swimming and how to do it, and proper technique all you want, but you will not swim until you get yer ass in the water and do it for yourself. 


   For the first time in my life, I've started to challenge my old ways of thinking. 'maybe the problem is on my end, and its ME thats choosing to be irritated. Every time I question my usual ways of thinking, I make a baby step. It's the difference between reading that you can change, and KNOWING that you can change. 

   I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be as far as the roadmap to piece of mind goes. Sh*t as I'm writing this, I barely spoken to my wife in days. I've been isolating myself from my family so they don't have to deal with all my bullsh*t, and thats not cool. No matter how much I'd like to just come out of my room and interact with everyone like a normal person, I just can't do it. I can't explain it, it's like being trapped. I know I need to just drop all my crap and join in whatever everyone else is doing, but it's a fear thats so great, I simply can't adequately convey, how hard it is to get past it. That fear of me being exposed and vulnerable to me loosing it is just too much for me to overcome right now. 


   But I am trying to get past it, in a positive way. The way 'The Roadmap to Piece of Mind,' says you gotta do it.
   

   At this time last year, I would've blamed everyone else for my predicament. I would've told you that's its all their fault that I'm hiding out from everybody. But I know that it's my fault, and the only way I'm going to get past this, is by challenging myself and convincing myself that I'll be ok if I step out of my comfort zone.  


   It's just a baby step, but at least its a step in the right direction. I know it may not be enough for my wife and family, but it's all I got right now, and instead of beating myself up, I'm choosing to at least be content that I'm even trying at all. 

___________________________________________

Ok enough seriousness, Let's end this on a recreational, controlled substane break, shall we?