Guitarded: Why I Hate KISS

Today I wanted to write about why I hate KISS. There's a lot of KISS hate on the internet but most of it doesn't get into anymore detail other than 'the music sucks,' or 'they're sellouts.' I wanted to be a little more detailed than that.

Then I realized that I really didn't have many other reasons for hating KISS. Sure I can't stand the music and I find their commercialism annoying. They're more of a business than a band.

So at first I struggled to find any other reasons why I despise them so much. They just seem to be one of those bands that you either love or hate.

But here are a few reasons I did manage to come up with.

1. The Lyrics

They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry - From Spinal Tap

I got a fever ragin’ in my heart
You make me shiver and shake
Baby don’t stop, take it to the top
And eat it like a piece of cake

- from Heaven's on Fire

Baby, let's put the X in sex
Love's like a muscle and you make me wanna flex

-from Let's put the X in Sex

Imagine a bunch of old men in their sixties singing this:

I don't usually say things like this to girls your age, but when I saw you

coming out of school that day, that day I knew, I knew, I've got to have

you, I've got to have you

-from Christine Sixteen

I really love you baby
I love what you've got
Let's get together, we can
Get hot...I'll be a gambler, baby
Lay down the bet
We get together, mama
You'll sweat

-from Love Gun

So if you please get on your knees
There are no bills, there are no fees
Baby, I know what your problem is
The first step of the cure is a kiss

-from Calling Dr. Love

2. Gene Simmons Sings When You Wish Upon a Star

This actually happened on his solo album