Time for Some Bi-Polar Stuff Today.

So I started seeing this new psychiatrist back in May [three months ago]. I hadn't been on any medications for almost a year. I was coming off an extremely high elevated manic period and was moving into my next phase which is an extremely high/elevated but intensely irritable, paranoid and anxious phase. My doctor put on Abilify. I thought this was weird because I'm used to being on multiple medications. Also from what little I knew Abilify was used primarily as an add-on to anti-depressants. 

 The doctor said that Abilify was approved for and is effective in treating bipolar mania and it also has some anti-depressant properties so it's like a 2 in 1 drug.  I also told him that I since I have a wife, kids and a full time job I need to be able to be functional and not in a zombie like state all day. Being functional is my primary concern with any  medication I take. Besides, I told him, eating cereal, watching cartoons and sleeping for 16 hours a day was not my idea of mental health.

 So I decided to trust him and I was given a starter dose of 7 1/2mg a day. After a couple weeks of some uncomfortable side effects I immediately felt the shift. My paranoia and irritability was gone. In their absence, that left room for the rest of my personality to breathe more comfortably. Thus I felt more relaxed, less irritable and generaly more pleasant, friendlier and happier. I felt so happy in fact, that I almost fell for that old trap, which is to think that maybe I feel so good that I don't even need medication anymore. But with the help of my therapist who I see regularly, I was helped to see that the medication was working and I need to stick with it. 


 Then 3 weeks ago, out of nowhere I started feeling bad again.

 Fear, loathing, dread, panic attacks, anxiety, not sleeping, I even told my wife that I definitely felt depressed, unhappy, and generally unstable for no reason at all.  It was affecting my work and at one point I was seriously close to finding a new psychiatrist and even considered hospitalization but then quickly decided against it when I realized I haven't paid the last hospital visit 15 months ago.

 My psychiatrist said that the low dose of Abilify had probably stopped working and that I now need the full dose of 15mg/day. That seemed like a reasonable explanation so I bought in and started taking the full dose.  It's been two weeks on the full dose and I do feel better. That general feeling of dread is gone as are the panic attacks.

  I'm used to being on so many different medications I have a hard time believing that just medication is so effective with me. But I guess anything is possible. 

  The other thing which has been just as if not more effective with me is therapy. I go every other week. We talk about how I can minimize the stresses around my home and be a better husband and father.  It seems that medication can only help so much and if you really want to be stable and stay stable you have to be in therapy on a regular basis. But thats just my opinion. 

  So it seems that with this latest change in my medication that I'm starting to become stable again. I had a great vacation, my step-daughter has started school, I have the Black Sabbath concert and a couple of football games coming up and I'm looking forward to a pleasant rest of the summer. 

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