WHY YOU LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE WHEN YOUR GUITAR STRAP IS TOO LOW
I view these kids who play with their guitars too low in much the same way I view these kids who walk around with their pants hanging around their God damn ankles.
It doesn't make you look cool, it just makes you look like an ignorant, uneducated piece of trash.
You kids pull your god damn guitars back up!
I'm almost 40 now. Since life expectancy these days is roughly 78 years, that technically puts me in middle age. My beef with douchebags who wear their guitars too low makes me the musical version of the angry old man who's always yelling at the neighborhood kids to 'get the hell off my lawn!'
I believe in first impressions. For example, when I see someone wearing their pants around their ankles I get the impression that this is someone who mistakenly believes they look good when they really don't and are willing to stick to this erroneous belief even at risk of ridicule, unemployment and profiling by law enforcement.
When I see someone wearing their guitar too low I get the impression that this too is someone who mistakenly believes they look good when they really don't, and that "looking good with the guitar" is ultimately more important than anything you actually play on the guitar.
And as a lifelong guitar player, I hold the instrument in a much higher regard. Yes the way you play is important because playing a certain way is better for your technique.
I also believe that if you wanna play great music then you need to look like you're playing great music.
But I think its disrepecting to the guitar and to all the great guitarists in history to viewyour guitar as nothing morethan simply a fashion accessory.
Wearing your guitar too low also hinders the rest of your band as it doesn't present the music very well. If you truly did care about image then you would never wear your guitar like that.
What do you think presents the music better?
someone who wears their guitar this?
or
someone who wears their guitar this?
Besides, the lower your guitar hangs, the harder it is on your fret hand wrist, and your technique will suffer as a result.
In the photo above, Prince, shows how its done. You should have the guitar no higher or lower than belt level. This length looks best and is easy on the wrist, unless you have short alligator arms which in that case you may need to stop reading this and seriously consider changing hobbies.
CORRECT. One again take note of the fret hand wrist and how it is resting in a natural, un-inverted position.
Incorrect. Playing like this will also make you an alcoholic and will eventually kill you as Steve Clark has already so masterfully shown us.
Correct
Incorrect
A NOTE ON JIMMY PAGE
Techically, I would call this too low, but Jimmy Page is an exception to the rule. His arms are so damn long that he can comfortably play this low. Note how his fret hand wrist is still in a natural, unbent position.
Also, he's not calling attention to the fact he's playing low.
He's doing it with class unlike the following douches below...
HOWEVER
If you're wearing pants and you wear 'em too low you look like an asshole but if you wear them too high you also look like an asshole.
Don't rest the guitar on your belly, it looks lazy. Also note how wearing the guitar too high also leads to the un-natural position of the fret hand wrist.
Besides, wearing your guitar that high does not give the impression of confidence. It just makes it look like you're trying too hard, and you have not yet reached the level where you can just let it rip without a care in the world
like this...
Who do you think looks like the more confident, able guitarist?
someone who plays like this
someone who plays like this?
or
like this?
The first two DOUCHEBAGS just look like they're playing guitar.
Hendrix and Gilmour look like THE GUITAR IS PLAYING THEM.
And that right there is the next level I want you toreach.
There are things known and things unknown and in between are the doors.- Jim Morrison
Today's entry is about The Doors, why they have always been one of my favorite bands, why their work is important, and what I've gotten out of it - enjoy.
I always liked the fact that in 1967 at the height of the hippie, flower power, peace and love scene, The Doors emerged as something quite different. The had top ten singles yet they wrote about death and Oedipus Rex. They had a teen sex idol for a lead singer, a drunk with a habit for getting arrested and starting near riots at concerts, yet he was a college graduate, intelligent, well-read and an author of several books of poetry. It was pop music, rock and roll, blues, performance art, and theater all rolled into one unique combination.
I like any reaction I can get with my music. Just
anything to get people to think. I mean if you can get a whole room full
of drunk, stoned people to actually wake up and think, you're doing
something.- Jim Morrison
What made The Doors musically unique were the varied backgrounds and musical styles and influences of its members. Its not very often these days that a classical keyboardist, a jazz drummer, and a blues guitarist combine to form a band. The reason rock bands suck these days is that modern rock musicians don't have the wide array of influences that rock musicians in the 1960's had. The original Rock and Rollers didn't grow up with rock music. Before rock, it was classical, jazz, blues and country. These different influences produced highly original rock music. BUT HOW UNIQUE AND CREATIVE CAN YOU REALLY BE IN 2012 WHEN YOU'RE INFLUENCES THAT YOU GREW UP WITH CONSIST OF NICKELBACK AND CREED?! So here's what you young douchebags need to do 1. Don't be afraid to play with musicians of all styles of music. 2. FYI: Dave Grohl was in another band before Foo Fighters, look into it. 3. Listen to Blues. And by blues I don't mean Blues Traveller or your sisters John Mayer CD. I'm talking 1930's Delta Blues. Robert Johnson, Son House. 4. Read Jim Morrison's biography, "No One Here Gets Out Alive." Actually, read it once a year. 5. Just because Jim Morrison put on leather pants drank a gallon of booze and became a world famous rock star, doesn't mean you will too if you do the same thing.
Jim Morrison Predicts the Future of Rock Music
"When You're Strange," A Documentary on the Doors.
8:00am: Tuesday, May 15, 2012. I wake up at my parents house. Once again I've been booted out of my wife's place. I'm estranged from my wife and kids, living at my folks (and they don't seem all that thrilled that I'm there either)unemployed, broke, my car has hardly any gas in it, I haven't eaten in days, and it's been nearly two weeks since I was in a mental hospital for nearly killing myself. I'm starting to think that maybe I should've stayed there. Life is so much easier when you're institutionalized, and the food was great. I've never eaten that good in my life.
The plan for today? get the hell out of the house, library opens at 9am. Go to the library, read books, job hunt, and keep myself occupied til closing time at 8pm. Go home, take my medications, go to sleep. Trying not to think about my almost failed second marriage, my wife who's changed the locks, and my daughter who I've alienated to the point it seems she no longer wants anything to do with me. Psychiatrist appointments I have to get to but can't afford, medications I need to keep me stable but have no money for, bills piling up that won't be paid. I tried to get a job at Walmart but even they wouldn't hire me. Any optimism, or lust for life that I left that mental institution with two weeks ago, is rapidly fading.
Roger Waters is performing "The Wall."tonight in downtown Phoenix.
I saw Pink Floyd play in 1994
In London I went all the way to Battersea Power Station just because it was on the cover of Pink Floyd's Animals album.
I saw Roger Waters live in 2000
I saw him again in Phoenix in 2006
I saw the first leg of The Wall tour in November 2010
This could be just the thing I need to get me out of my head for even just a couple hours. I need a break from reality, in a legal, healthy way.
This was from one of the London shows last year, just to show you how bad ass this show is!!!
9:00am: I ask my folks for an early birthday present (my birthday is 5 months away) denied. I decide to sell my acoustic guitar and amp. That just leaves me my one shitty electric left. I just sold another guitar the day before to pay for a new battery for my car. At this point, I need to get happy, and fast. There will always be other guitars, there will never be another concert like this, ever again. My folks tell me they will never give me another dime ever if I sell that guitar to go to the concert. With all the problems I have the last thing I need to be doing is something fun. I back down, and leave the house with my tail between my legs, defeated.
9:30am: I sell my guitar and amp anyways. My fuel light is on, that gives me about 30 miles til empty. No cigarettes, haven't eaten since Saturday evening. If I buy a ticket I have $5 left. Instead I go to the thrift store, buy a dress shirt, pants, tie, belt, just in case I ever get a job interview lined up. Might as well get some good clothes while I have the money. I drop them off at the dry cleaners, I put $7 in my gas tank, buy a pack of smokes. I got about $35 left to my name. I drive towards the library, where I will spend the next 10 hours.
11:30am: Scew it, I'm GOING to that damn concert somehow. I check stubhub, ticketmaster, craigslist. I can't get in any cheaper than $50. I have no way to get any more money. I decide that I will go to downtown Phoenix and wander around downtown until I see Roger Waters. Then I will tell him my story and ask him for a ticket to the show. I know who his three guitar players are, and I know what two keyboardists and drummer look like, so if I see them walking around I can also ask them too. That improves my chances somewhat. I don't have the gas to get downtown, and even if I did, I can't afford the parking. I turn the car around and drive to the light rail.
12:00pm: What the hell is wrong with me? That is the stupidest idea I've ever had. Like that would ever even work. I turn the car around back to the library.
12:30pm: Wait. Sure, thats not gonna work, but WHO CARES? I got nothing better to do, I could use the exercise, and at least I could say I tried. I'm not doing this to succeed. I know its going to fail. But that doesn't mean I can't do it anyways. I heard someone say, that someone once said, you miss 100% of the shots you never take. I turn the car around again, heading to the light rail station.
1:30-3:00pm: Downtown Phoenix, it's 106 degrees out. I haven't had anything to drink. Showtime is at 8pm. I'm starting to think think this was a bad idea. I make my way for the Wyndham Hotel. Just as good a place to start as any. I see a Mexican newspaper on the side of the road, I pick it up cuz I'll need it for later.
After canvassing the lobby and the escalator to the second floor. I hit the elevator, I stop and get out and walk around on every floor on the way up, and do the same on the way down. I find a comfy chair in a corner of the lobby. They got the AC cranked and it feels great. I sit and pretend to read my Mexican newspaper as if I'm waiting on somebody. If anybody starts asking questions I'll pretend I don't speak English.
3:00-5:00pm: Walk around the block, look in all the cafe's and bars.
Alleyway behind the Wyndham. See three Mexican cleaning ladys coming out. They look like they've just finished their shifts and are heading home. I decide to ask them if they know anything. I quicky throw together some sloppy ass Spanish.
Perdon, senoras. Hay un musico de Inglaterra se lo quedo aqui?
My Spanish is ok but I rarely ever use it so it's rusty and it's entirely learned from textbooks, so I have no conversational experience with it. Consequently, unless I'm being spoken to like a child, odds are I'm not going to understand what anyone says to me. Imagine someone from another country who learned England-English from a tape, but then tried to talk with someone from Alabama. That's kind of the way it is with me but not really I guess. What I'm trying to say is I had no idea what the damn ladies told me. But their body language told me that they had no idea what I was talking about. Ok, so that plan failed miserably.
I make tracks over to the Hyatt Regency, same routine. No luck. Hit the Arizona Center, no luck.
I see a a guy sitting outside starbucks talking on his phone. He's got some badge or credentials of some kind hanging on his shirt. F*ck it, I'm asking him.
Hey man, are you working the roger waters concert tonight?
Um...what?...no....excuse me [goes back to his cell phone conversation, very irritated]
Damn its hot outside. Back to the Hyatt, to cool off, then over to Cooperstown, walk around the arena a few times. The Hard Rock, The Tilted Kilt, Majerles. It would be a whole lot cooler if I could afford a beer at any of these places, instead of the dirty looks I'm getting just ordering soda. They try to charge me. I say I'm my groups Designated Driver, and if they could cut me a break on the sodas, we make it up with the tip when we check out. Free soda baby! I might be broke but at least I'm enterprising. Even if I could drink alcohol which I shouldn't be doing, I couldn't afford it. Then over to the Wyndham, then back again to the Hyatt.
At the Hyatt, I think I actually see one of the keyboard players,making his way into the bar. It looks like Harry Waters, Roger Waters son who's in the band, but I'm not convinced. I check google for a recent picture to confirm and no, its not him. Dammit! where is everybody!
Roger Waters, will you stand up please?
I check craigslist, nobody is selling for under $50. I post on craigslist, Maybe someone out there has a cheap seat that they're willing to undersell to someone a little down on their luck. The whole premise of me even being there is a desperation move, this is even more desperate. But I throw it out there and wait too see if anyone's biting.
I get a $40 donation on my blog from my cousin. Awesome! with another donation, I might be able to get a ticket at the box office. After about 20 mins of research I find out that whenever anyone donates to my blog, it takes 14 days for me to get the payout. So I'm back to the $30 plan.
6:00pm: It's probably too late to find Roger Waters or anyone else at this point. I haven't eaten, I'm dehydrated, thirsty as hell, I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I get a phone call, I don't know the number and dismiss the call. Oh SHIT, it could be about the tickets! I search for the number but then I get a message asking if I'm still interested in buying a ticket.
This person goes on to tell me that he won tickets in a radio contest and is driving there now to try and sell them and he'll definitely hook me up for $30. I can't believe my luck. But I'm immediately suspicious. The text is coming from an LA area code. He doesn't say he's driving downtown, or to US Airways Arena, but instead says "The Venue." He asks me how much the tickets on the street are going for. When I say I don't know, he says to go find out.
Yeah I'm not going anywhere.
Then he asks me to try and find other people for him who also need tickets. I don't know how exactly I'm being played, but I'm definitely being played. That was my last hope. I think about going home.
7:00pm: I walk to the arena. I have to walk past there to get to the light rail station. I find some shade and sit. Its too hot to smoke right now.
7:40pm: I remember when I saw Paul McCartney in concert in 2010 it had sold out months before but I got standing room only tickets the day before the concert hella cheap. I decide to go to the box office and see if I can do the same here.
Just then fake ticket guy messages that he's on his way and he'll still hook me up with the $30 ticket. I decide to ignore that until I find out whats going on at the box office. I'm waiting in line, I'm making myself crazy, what if the person in front of me gets the last ticket! I'm jumping up and down, I feel like screaming. A window opens up and I cut off some filthy middle aged hippy lady. I have a sneaking suspicion that she probably has pubic hair growing up to her belly button.
The lady at the window tells me they're sold out. I ask her to check again, she says they've just opened up some "limited view" seats for $39. I look thru my pockets, a twenty, a ten. I open my wallet, two dollar bills. I practically throw them at her while I look thru my pockets again. some quarters, a dollar coin from the vending machine that I got my light rail pass. I got $34 and change. I ask her if I can borrow the remaining $5 and change. She smile's and politely says no.
Dammit! so close! its not fair!!! I suppose I can take my chances with the fake ticket guy. He messages me again, says he's almost there. He's wondering where I'm at. Maybe if I wait til after the show starts one of the scalpers will hook me up cheap.
Oh shit, lemme check my bank card, I may actually have like $5 on there. Shit I have to pick up the clothes I bought tomorrow at the dry cleaners. So I actually need to have like $10 on the card, and I seriously doubt that. I try to access the app on my phone to check. My battery is almost dead, the lady at the window is getting impatient. People behind me are getting restless. The friggin phone is taking forever. Sh*t now its not taking my password! I'm shaking I keep entering it in wrong.
F*ck! it's one of those letter puzzles! I always get those damn things wrong. I ask the lady if she can figure it out for me. This bitch is getting pissed, she aint even looking at me anymore. I get it on the 3rd attempt. I have just enough in my account to cover what I don't have in cash, and I can get my dry cleaning with 72 cents to spare.
Not too bad for limited view, I thought.
I sat there in the limited view section all by myself. I was so happy, I held back tears. The last few weeks had been very difficult. Cops, mental hospitals, doctors, nurses, counselors, therapists, psychiatrists, marital troubles, people constantly telling how much of a failure I am. Ive been told im everything from ADD, OCD, autistic, bipolar, paranoid delusional, narcissistic personality disorder, social anxiety disorder. Plenty of people around to tell me Everything thats wrong with me.
With just about nothing going right in my life these days this was a big victory. Just to know that something anything could go right for a change was uplifting. The same problems I woke up with today will be right there waiting for me tomorrow whether I went to the damn concert or not. I still would've been broke anyways. No regrets, I had the time of my life. I'll never forget it. For a couple hours tonite I wasn't the failed husband, father, unemployed, broke mentally unstable looser. I remember when I saw Pink Floyd in 1994 I was 20, young, the whole world ahead of me, before things started going terribly wrong.For a couple hours last tuesday night I was a kid again. No worries, good people, good music, good times again.
I was just another fan enjoying the show and everything was perfect And yeah that was worth any sacrifice.
***I want to officially add I don't intend to portray my wife Jessica as just some one dimensional, mean spirited, succubus, who does nothing but throw me out and put me down all the time. In her defense, she is very supportive, has a nice butt and tries her heart out to be good to me, until I eventually take advantage of her, alienate her, torment her and piss her off enough to the point that she's forced to throw me out. In person she's actually a very relaxed, upbeat, sociable and classy lady.***
you're chance to have your questions about anything answered by someone who is mentally guitarded
*All three of You who actually submitted questions*
1. Who is the greatest and most overrated guitarists of all time?- Steve, Oklahoma.
Greatest
Jimmy Page
I always catch sh*t for this one. The reason I don't pick Hendrix is because Jimmy Page has the larger and more diverse body of work. When you hear Zeppelin you hear rock, blues, folk, country, acoustic, mandolin. The double-neck guitar, the violin bow...classic.
"Battle of Evermore" was made up on the spot by Robert [Plant] and myself. I just picked up John Paul Jones's mandolin, never having played a mandolin before, and just wrote up the chords and the whole thing in one sitting. - Jimmy Page, [courtesy of wikipedia]
The Battle of Evermore? The first time Jimmy Page ever touched a mandolin, he wrote that damn song. Who else can write a song about Lord of the Rings and not get laughed at? That gets my vote.
Overrated
This was a tough one. I could easily put another dozen names here
Joe Perry: sure he has some classic instantly recognizeable riffs, but nothing he has ever done has made me say "wow" or "how did he do that?" He's more famous for fighting with Steven Tyler than for being a guitarist.
2. Why is David Hasselhoff the German Elvis? - Andy, Arizona
The answer that I'm going to give you is this. In 1989, David Hasselhoff pulled a Manchurian Candidate on Germany. Hasselhoff performed his song "Looking for Freedom," live at the Berlin Wall on New Years Eve 1989. East Germany days were numbered and everyone knew it. Capitalizing on the Germans push for unification on the brink of a new year, his freedom song, made a imprint on the German collective unconscious, that has made him synonymous with everything good about Germany ever since.
So when Germans cheer for David Hasselhoff, they cheer for themselves.
3. Why are there no more "Guitar Gods" in modern rock today? - Andy, Arizona
Blues Clues: Hendrix, Clapton, Page, Keith Richards, Pete Townsend, Tony Iommi all had Blues as their foundation to build upon. Back then even other forms of popular music such as, jazz, country, motown, kind of counterbalanced each other, in a way are all kind of related and drew from each other. In my opinion today's rock music is competing with rap, hip-hop and dance mix/electronic stuff. As popular music has distanced itself from the blues, the guitar god is slowly becoming extinct.
Drugs: Prescription Drugs seem to be the drug of choice among todays youth. I don't know about you, but if I'm on vicodin, percocet, xanax, atavan, and valium, the last thing I'm capable of doing is playing guitar, much less writing music, much less thinking of writing music, much less, thinking at all. Not to advocate drugs, but a drug like Cocaine, and some psychedelics light up certain areas of your brain and don't kill all thought the way some of the prescription drugs do today.
4. B.B. King's guitar is named "Lucile." Have you ever named one of your guitars? - Jessica (my wife) - Arizona
I have never owned a guitar descent enough to merit naming it. If I'm ever able to afford a descent guitar, I might consider it. What would I name it? I don't know, I've never had any sons, so maybe "junior." Seriously, I think the guitars name would depend alot on how I got the guitar or what was going on in my life at the time I acquired it.
5. What is the best guitar? - Jessica (still my wife) - Arizona
That one. And David Gilmour owns it. Fender Stratocaster
serial # 0001.
6. Sex, Drugs or Rock N Roll? If you could only have one, which would it be - Jessica (yes we're still married) - Arizona
I've gone the majority of my life without sex. As far as drugs go, other than whats prescribed by my shrink, I'm drug free. Rock N Roll has been there for me when no one else has. It has given me moments of joy that no drug on earth could. I choose Rock.
7. Have you resorted to making up questions just to make this interesting now?
Yes.
8. Does anybody actually read this?
If anyone does read this, I'm certainly not aware of it.
9. What's the coolest place you've ever been to?
Amsterdam.
10. Whats the stupidest thing you've done to promote your blog?
Write my website on all my dollar bills. Provided, I have money to spend.
11. Who was Secretary of State during the infamousTeapot Dome Scandal?
Albert B. Fall.
12. What do you think about when you play?
I don't know, that I should've stayed in school?
13. Most Bizzare thing you've ever eaten?
I'm not that adventurous. Menudo? Frog Legs? Rattlesnake Meat? Dog Biscuits?
14. Will you be doing this feature on your blog again?
