Abilified

Among the more than five million adults in America who have Bipolar Disorder, these “mood swings” can be extreme or frequent. These changes in mood aren’t as simple as transitioning from “happy” to “sad.” With Bipolar Disorder, symptoms can include both a lowering of mood (depression) and an exaggerated elevation of mood (mania). These changes occur in cycles and are referred to as “episodes.” People with Bipolar Disorder experience extreme mood swings that can take three different forms: manic, depressive, and mixed episodes.-  From www.abilify.com


  My new psychiatrist put me on Abilify about a month ago. It's supposed to help manage bipolar 1 mania, and make me less paranoid and delusional.


Clinical studies have shown the effectiveness of ABILIFY in the treatment of acute manic and mixed episodes in adults or pediatric patients (10 to 17 years) with

Bipolar I Disorder.-  www.abilify.com

I've spent a few years now getting help for whatever is wrong with me. Although bipolar disorder was first brought to my attention a few years ago, I was adamant I didn't have it, because I was unable to admit that I had manic (high mood/elevated) episodes.

On average, people with Bipolar Disorder spend ten years seeking treatment before finally getting diagnosed. One survey found that as many as 70% of people with Bipolar Disorder are initially diagnosed with a different condition. Often, this is because people only tend to seek treatment during a depressive episode and neglect to discuss manic symptoms with their healthcare professional. There are no lab tests or other procedures for diagnosing Bipolar Disorder. Instead, a healthcare professional must take a very thorough history  - www.abilify.com

What I now know as part of this illness, I always used to think was my normal mood. But after a couple years of therapy, of psychiatrists and a stay in a mental hospital, I've been able to get some insight into my episodes and the cycles they follow. 


You can help others, such as family and friends, support you by talking with them about your condition and allowing them to help and support you. It is helpful for family and friends to learn as much as they can about your condition so you can discuss it more openly and they can find ways to support you. The support and encouragement of loved ones can be an important part of your treatment plan.- www.abilify.com


 The Abilify website says that talking with your friends and family is helpful. I want to believe thats true. I guess thats why I do this blog, but I really don't have many friends in AZ, I get the impression most of family and friends either get too creeped out by this subject to talk about it with me, they think its all bullshit, or they think I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for all the world to see so they try to just pretend that it doesn't exist, and that just makes me feel awkward and I just want to avoid people even more than I already do. 

  So this blog is pretty much how I interact with the world and how I share my experiences with bipolar disorder.

Until very recently, I had been on an amazing, manic episode that had started back in the begining of February. I was dieting on almost entirely all egg whites, I had lost 40lbs, I was running 3-4 miles a day and my energy levels were literally superhuman. 

  Abilify's website has this picture on it. I'm assuming that this what Abilify says you're going to feel like when you start taking this medication. 

It also says you will feel like this:

  But in reality I feel like this:

But I hate looking at myself in picture so in my mind I look more like this:

  The elation and euphoria is gone. My energy levels are nonexistent. My creativity is nowhere to be found. I feel empty and awkward because I'm used to either being manic and obsessed about something or angry paranoid and depressed. 

  But its not all bad. I definitely feel less paranoid, delusional and slightly less irritated. Sometimes I wish I could just hang onto that manic  high feeling and just take medication when I'm on the lows. But I know now that it doesn't work like that. You can't have the wonderful highs without the earth-shattering lows. And the more manic and depressed episodes I allow myself to have go unchecked the harder it is on my wife, my step daughter and my job. And that ultimately hurts me. 

   I think this how normal people are. Not high, not low, just "there" neither happy or sad, not obsessed but not depressed. I'm not used to feeling like this, its not natural for me and I'm not sure I like it. But mentally I'm a lot more stable and that's ultimately whats in my best interests because I'm married and have stepchildren who rely on me and for the first time I realize how difficult I am to deal with when I'm having these episodes.

 I'll never be normal and there is no cure for what I have. But it can be managed and thats the best anyone in my position can hope for.

 I dont have a nice little ending planned that sums everything up. This was more of an extended rant. I guess I just wanted to vent today, so I'll just end it now.

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