Why I Hate The Blues

I admit it. I am not a fan of The Blues. I mean seriously, does B.B. King really look like he has, “The Blues” right here?

Rich People Blues

 I just find it hard to believe that someone adorned in gold rings, a crushed velvet suit and a $10,000.00 guitar with gold plated pickups has “The Blues.” What could you possibly have the The Blues about that others can relate to?

· The Penthouse Suite was Already Booked Blues

· The I Couldn’t Get a Dinner Reservation So I’m on the Waiting List Blues

· The My Other Limo is in the Shop Blues

· The I’m Sorry But All I have is Hundreds, Can You Break it Blues

And I don’t care if Blues is the basis for Rock music. I hate it when people say, “Well everyone should like The Blues because it forms the foundation for rock music.”

 I like beer but by that logic I’m not gonna run around ingesting raw barley and hops just because it’s the basis for all beer.

 I don’t wanna hear about heartache and loss coming from people who fly first class and buy private planes and shopping centers for fun.

Poor People Blues

 I don’t wanna hear blues from rich people, and frankly, I don’t wanna hear it from poor people either. If you thought you were gonna make a fortune in music and solve all your problems, then you should’ve stayed in school.  Making money in music is a longshot on the level of winning the lottery. You wanna solve your problems? Sell your guitar, buy a suit and get a job.

White Guy Suburb Blues

 Some people may say there’s lots of talented local blues musicians, but frankly, your buddy from work who drives a Prius, rents a house and has DirectTV and who's band plays the local Yorgurtini on Saturday’s is not my idea of, “The Blues"

The British Invasion

 Just for the record, a bunch of frilly pretty boy middle class Englishmen who thought they were blues just because they owned a Muddy Waters album, is not blues either.

PS: The Moody Blues (pictured above) is not Blues either. 

                                       The Blues Brothers

 Rich white comedians are not blues. Although the fact that John Belushi was fat, and on heroin and died of an overdose IS kind of Bluesy

In Conclusion

The Blues is a dead art form. It is inherently bland and so minimalistic that it is incapable of evolving. The same chord progression and the same scale done hundreds of thousands of times for decades, ad nauseam.

 Rock music remains the superior genre because it is able to grow and evolve in radically ever changing ways that their dinosaur blues men counterparts could never dream of.

A life forever bound to the same chord progressions and scales?

Now there’s a thought to truly give one, “The Blues.”

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