Too Much F*cking Perspective
Nigel: It really puts perspective on things, though, doesn't it?
David: Too much, there's too much fucking perspective now.
- From This is Spinal Tap
Stage 3 begins right around that magical age of 27. I was
haunted by depressing thoughts during this period. This
period of my mid-twenties was rough. After the end of my
first marriage, I battled, depression, alcoholism, and drug use.
I made 2 suicide attempts during this time.
BY AGE 27
* Hendrix,Morrison,Joplin,Robert Johnson,Kurt Cobain
completed their bodies of work
* Thomas Jefferson wrote The Declaration of
Independence.
* Einstein had created the "Special Theory of Relativity."
* Steve Wozniak, Co-founded Apple Computer.
* Napoleon Conquered Italy
* Orson Welles directed Citizen Kane
What the hell had I done? not a damn thing. I had always had these grand notions of me being a famous writer or musician, but now at 27 I was faced with a grim reality.
Over 100 billion people have ever been born in all human history and nobody has ever heard of most of them. Only a fraction of all those people have ever been famous, or well known for anything. The majority of people are born, live and die without leaving a trace that they were ever here, and you are most likely going to be one of them.
That's a hard pill to swallow. Where's Morpheus? I'd rather take the blue pill right about now, so I can go back to living in ignorant bliss.
It sends a chill down your spine. It's like a slap in the face whenever
you have that brief moment when you come face to face with
your own mortality. It's not a thought,there are no words,
it's just a feeling, that one day you will not be here, at least
in the form that you are currently familiar with.
It was this realization along with the fact that I already had
one failed marriage behind me, that sent me into a very
dark place, where I stayed for several years. This period is
stage 3, and it lasts for however long it takes you to get out
of it. There's that general sense of dread around age 27,
the dread of 30 rapidly approaching, then the realization
that your twenties are gone and middle age, for the
first time is visible far away on the horizon.
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My musical tastes reflected this ever-present sense of dread.
The Doors,Pink Floyd, Lou Reed & The Velvet Underground,
Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, Neil Young, Syd Barrett, David Bowie.
The singer/songwriter for the first time had become the dominant
voice in my life. Music that told of solitude,
loss, alienation, pain. The "I'm young and invincible, so let's
party," attitude that was my musical life of my early twenties
was over.
Day after day, love turns grey
Like the skin of a dying man
Night after night, we pretend it's all right
But I have grown older and
You have grown colder and
Nothing is very much fun any more.
One of My Turns - From "The Wall"
Pink Floyd: The Wall
After my first marriage ended at age 26, I did nothing
but locked away in my home doing nothing but drinking and
listening to Pink Floyd, The Wall for about a good 2 months.
The Wall is a case study in alienation, abandonment and
isolation, and the kind of paranoia, and insanity that can arise
as a result of 'building walls around yourself."
I love this album because I've always found solace in being
able to identify with the alienation that the main character in
the album feels. It lets me know its ok to feel down, so listening
to it is a very cathartic expeience. However, the main character
inevitably feels guilty and tears down his wall and exposes
himself to the outside world. So while I can identify with the
isolation that pervades the album, there is also hope
that eventually I'll be able to "tear down my own wall as well.
Syd Barrett
Syd Barrett, was the founding member of Pink Floyd. I'm not
sure how many people know that. The Pink Floyd that most
people know today is completely different than Syd Barrett's
Floyd. All that remains from Barrett's time with the floyd, is
one album "Piper at the Gates of Dawn," and the band's name
which it was given by Barrett himself. Legend has it, Barrett
got the name from two blues records he owned by musicians,
"Pink Anderson," and, "Floyd Council."
Dark Globe - Syd Barrett
Nobody really knows why but after recording their debut
album, Barrett, gradually became insane. He lost touch with
reality, and soon found himself kicked out the very band that
he gave its name too. A couple albums of solo work were
produced before dropping out of sight entirely in the mid-
seventies until his death in 2006.
The recordings are raw and some say its a rambling mess
of false starts, fumbled notes and off-key vocals, but personally
I think they're brilliant. It's literally the sound of insanity.
Barrett completely and unashamedly bares his soul on these
records and I find that alot more real that most of the crap,
people try to pass off as music these days.
The Doors
People fear death even more than pain. It's strange
that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of
death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend.
- Jim Morrison
The Doors were one of the first really 'dark' bands to come
along. People are Strange, The End, Riders on the Storm,
are still some of the darkest songs out there.
I believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown.
- Jim Morrison
I looked up to Jim Morrison in a way, during the depression
that followed my divorce. I felt so helpless that maybe if I too
pursued a 'long, prolonged, derangement of the senses,' that
maybe I would 'Break on Through to the other Side," and
finally find peace and comfort there.
The Velvet Underground
For me, the Velvet Underground is just pure escapism. Venus in Furs, is just one of those songs that can pull you out of your reality and into another world. I'll let that song loop and replay for hours on end, while I just strum a Dm chord over and over, kinda a 'musical meditation.'
Heroin - Lou Reed & The Velvet Undergound
The first time I heard Lou Reed sing "heroin" it kinda scared me in a way. It
was disturbing to hear someone sing what almost appears to be a love song to
a drug.
It's my wife, and it's my life, haha.
With the droning guitar and Lou Reed's trippy sounding voice I like to close
my eyes and space out to this song. It also inspires me to really bare my soul and don't
hold back, anytime I'm trying to be creative.
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The depression and general overwhelming sense of dread
pervaded begining of my mid-twenties gave way to a high
period that lasted into my early/mid thirties.
But this was nothing more than a lame attempt to hold on to
my early twenties. This period of drinking, partying and
screwing around was also my way of dealing with my divorce.
This 'lost weekend' lasted well over five years.
Lots of hanging out in bars, where strange dudes would
offer you even stranger drugs...
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Ok, I've covered alot of ground so let me explain...
Stage 3
* The 'mid-twenties' blues
* Desperately trying to party away the fact that
yer gonna be 30 soon
* Musical tastes begin to shift from loud, party, sex, drugs
and rock n roll, and start to incorporate more deep, emotional
and intellectual stimulating themes.
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Coming up next time, Stage 4
