Why Esteban and His Shitty Guitars Suck

So who the fuck is this guy and what's the deal with his guitars?

Esteban is actually Stephen Paul from Pittsburgh, PA.

He is the...ahem..."guitar master" (cough..cough..bullshit...cough..cough) that can be found from time-to-time peeking from beneath his black leather hat dressed up like fucking Zorro, on late night infomercials and on Home Shopping Network, trying to sell his crappy guitars. 

So how did Stephen become Esteban? 

Legend has it that he was given the name from none other than Andres Segovia who he claims to have studied with. 

In reality the only thing that's for certain is that Esteban did meet with Segovia at least once and he autographed a book for him...something he did probably thousands of times for thousands of fans.
I think it's prudent that this be known. Segovia had died before he could be questioned about Esteban. Esteban's self-proclaimed skill learned from Segovia cannot be verified since Segovia can't actually speak for himself.

According to his Wikipedia page he also studied music at Carnegie Mellon University, was involved in a car crash that left him unable to play guitar for ten years and was ultimately playing at a Hyatt Regency when he released his first album in 1991.

So what about the guitars he sells on HSN? I'll let the reviews speak for themselves.

These are actual reviews from actual people who bought actual Esteban Guitars:


Complete and utter crap I wouldn't wish on anyone. 


First, this thing was made in China. What a crock! It was basically glued together. They claimed this had a rosewood neck and on and on...no! This is basically particleboard. It's not a good guitar. It looks like crap. This wasn't solid at all. The tuners didn't do anything, more or less. The body was flimsy. What junk!  


This guitar was not set up at all, buzzing strings, frets popped up. Binding was fake, plastic, possibly even taped on. The wood looked like crap and the fret board was cardboard/particle board. How can people get away with selling people this crap. It makes no sense.


Not reliable at all. I'm embarrassed to play it in front of family or friends because of the sound and the dead frets. This Esteban guitar has no durability since it started breaking down after only 3 months of owning it, and I played it gently, having a suspicion that it wasn't made well to start with. As reliable as a dead beat dad.

The power lines in my front yard are lower than the action on this guitar...but it was the first acoustic i owned ,,now i can play anything,since my hands become a rough and concrete...most everything on this guitar is flawed 

cut my fingers on the frets. I had to spend Christmas morning in the emergency room getting stitches. The doctors looked at me like I was a complete lunatic, since I was covered in blood and paint from the fretboard, and screaming about how Esteban ruined my Christmas.

My daughter bought it. She played it for a couple weeks. Then one day I arrived home from work and there it was hanging from a tree limb minus strings. She got so ticked off that she decided to turn it into a bird house. So far after 6 weeks in the tree no birds have moved in, but there is bird crap all over it

I returned the entire package. They refunded me for two payments, but now they are using my Visa to take money out of my bank account again


So this thieving hack claims his guitar to be just as good as a Martin. Better actually, because his guitar has a built in pickup (gasp!) and the 5,000 dollar Martin that it is compared to.......doesn't!

These infomercials are aimed at the poor, innocent, naive, people who don't know shit about guitars. Unfortunate people who haven't yet been taught the lesson "you get what you pay for."

So do yourselves a favor, instead of buying an Esteban Guitar, go to your local music store and buy the cheapest guitar there because I guarantee it will be better than the Esteban Guitar.

 

Beginners Guide to Buying Guitars

 If you’re a parent with a youngster that wants to play guitar, there is a theory that says one must buy a cheap guitar. That way if the youngster doesn’t stick with it, you didn’t end up wasting too much money. Why that is 

wrong is what I want to talk about today. But first, let me explain how this relates to my childhood growing up playing guitar.

 I first started playing guitar at age 9. My first guitar was my Dad’s old acoustic that he seldom played. I would play until my fingers bled, superglue my fingertips and keep playing. Even though I only knew one chord, I still played every day. The minute I first saw that guitar I knew I would spend the rest of my life playing it. 

 However my parents were not convinced I was going to keep it up and it took another four years before my parents broke down and bought me my own guitar. When I finally got my own guitar, it was a cheap Fender Squier Strat II that never stayed in tune, with an amp that sounded like I was playing thru a tin can. 

 It was embarrassing to take to school, and it was so difficult to play it made measuring my progress next to impossible. I asked my parents for better quality gear so I could start playing in bands but my parents still cited the fact that I would not stick with it. So in my late teens when most of my other friends were playing in bands, I was still playing on a 13 year olds guitar and desperately trying to save my money. 

That was not how I envisioned spending my teenage years playing 

guitar.

Looks Kind of Do Matter with that First Guitar!

  Not wanting to spend money on something someone might not stick with is valid, but it is also flawed.

 You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars, but just spending that extra couple hundred can make all the difference.

 You want your beginner to have a guitar he can be excited about so they WILL stick with it. It’s kind of hard to be excited about a piece of crap that you’re too embarrassed to play in front of your friends because your folks were too cheap to buy at least the next model better. 

 Watching their friends and fellow guitar players get excited over their how cool their guitar looks and sounds is a powerful motivator  to not only make you keep playing to but to also strive to improve.

The Frustrations of Playing a Shitty Guitar

 It sucks playing a poorly constructed guitar. It’s hard to be excited when you can’t tell where your deficiencies start and the guitar’s begin. 

 It’s hard to measure your progress when your guitar won’t even stay in tune and your amp sounds like someone taking a dump in though a megaphone. 

 It’s impossible to get good when you’re not playing and learning from other musicians because you’re guitar is such a piece of shit that you hide it at home for fear of getting laughed at. 

 Learning how to drive, for example, is difficult and frustrating enough without having to worry about having brakes that work, power steering, working lights and mirrors and a smooth running engine. 

You wouldn’t do that to a beginning driver, so don’t do that to a beginning guitarist. 

 Learning how to play is already hard, tedious, time consuming and at times extremely frustrating and disappointing as it is without being handicapped by a shitty guitar. 

The Very Basics of Buying a Guitar

 You could easily write a book about this. I’m not getting into the mechanical, and technical aspects of what to look for in a guitar. If you wanna find out what wood is the best, you’re on the wrong blog.

But if you want a couple pointers that are so easy to remember you don’t even have to write them down then here you go:

Buy a guitar at an actual music store

Not at a Best Buy or Walmart. Don’t ever do that you moron.

Ask for Help!

That’s what they’re there for. There’s nothing manly, or cool about being in a guitar store trying to buy a guitar you know nothing about and not asking for help.

Have the Salesperson Tune the Guitar

Make sure it stays in tune when it’s played and make sure all the guitars you look at are in tune. They’re easier to compare to each other that way.

Check for Buzzing on the Frets

This is not a good sign. If it can’t fixed by adjusting it – don’t buy it

And Lastly,

Beware of Surprising People

 I’ve been surprised with poor quality guitars and other gear as gifts. It is very stressful to hide that disappointed expression as quickly as possible, smile and say something like, “Wow! This is great!” when secretly wishing you had been there to supervise and consult on the purchase. 

 Even though your beginner may not even know how to play guitar yet, they may very well already know more about guitars than you think.

 In the four years before I got my first guitar, I had gone thru every guitar magazine there was to read. I knew exactly what I wanted, knew what to look for, where to find it and how much to pay. My parents, assumed incorrectly that just because I was a beginner, I didn’t know anything about guitars

 Take your beginner along to make that first purchase. If he can’t get what he wants at least he’s there to make sure he can still find something he’s still happy with.

CHEAP ISN’T ALWAYS BAD

 Even though cheap usually means bad, doesn’t mean it always means bad. Once you know what you’re looking for, you can find some great deals on places like Craigslist, EBay or just your local pawn shop. 

 As an adult my favorite electric guitar I’ve ever had, is this Alvarez electric guitar I bought for $90 at a used music store in Queen Creek, Arizona. It’s beat up, it’s old, it’s cheap but it stays in tune, and has personality and tone. I love that damn thing. 

 My last acoustic guitar was a beautiful sounding Fender acoustic/electric I found in a pawn shop with a great guitar case for $200.

 If you want to try to get a good deal for your youngster online or at a pawn shop and you don’t know anything about guitars make sure you consult with a friend or someone that does know what they’re doing.

 30 years after my parents told me they were convinced that I would never stick to playing guitar…well I’m still playing. 

 Of course I hardly ever follow my own advice. When I bought my daughter who’s five, a guitar, what did I do? I went out and got a $20 Walmart Barbie guitar. But who care’s she’s only five. If she’s still playing when she outgrows it then I’ll get her another one. Ha-ha.

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