Why Slash Sucks

For someone who has no idea what they're doing, he sure does it well.  

He's known as one of the world's most competent guitarists, he's won MANY awards and has been featured in every guitar related magazine ever. He was even the main character in Guitar Hero 3.

Bu he still sucks: 

Here's why:

1. He's Not a Great Songwriter
    Even though he did come up with the riffs for Sweet Child o' Mine and Paradise City, Axl & Izzy were the real song writing geniuses behind Guns N Roses.  Here's a lyrical example of what happens when Slash is left unsupervised:

Blood lust tonight, bite my tongue and hold it in
From deep inside she aches for every part of him
In the rapture of the midnight sun
She is longing for immortal love
Blue moon hangs high, tell me will it ever end?
Oh, oh, whoa, oh
Heres comes the bad rain,
Falling from an aching heart - from the song Bad Rain.

These are lyrics that I would expect to find scribbled inside a teenage girl's diary.


2. He's an Over Rated Guitarist at Best

     He's failed to evolve as a guitarist, he's stuck in the same sound and techniques. Even though Slash in the past has combined major and minor pentatonics, and even incorporated a few modal voicings here and there, you'd never know it because it still sounds like the same old shit he's been doing for decades now. As a guitarist he brings nothing new to the table.  Nothing innovative.  Although it may sound cool he never made me say, "OH MY GOD, HOW DID HE DO THAT?!"


3.  He Played With Michael Jackson
    


Playing with Michael Jackson, a multiple time suspected child molester is NOT Rock and Roll! And yeah I know Eddie Van Halen played with him too, and he sucks too but that's a subject for another time. 


4. He Holds His Guitar too Low

 I view musicians who hold their guitars too low in much the same way I view kids who wear their pants too low.  Pull you damn pants up & pull your damn guitars up too!


5. He Has the Heart of an Elderly Person
     At the age of 35, Slash was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy, caused by years of drug and alcohol use. I might be shallow but I don't think a rock star with a pacemaker is very cool. Pacemakers aren't rock and roll. If you're old enough or self destructive enough that you need a pacemaker (or a defibrilator or whatever the fuck it is) it's time to retire. I have no respect for someone who does that to themselves. 

6.  He tried out for Poison 

     Any credibility he may have had as a musician disappeared when I found out he actually auditioned for one of the lamest bands ever. 

 Even though Slash sucks, I don't think Guns N Roses would've been famous without him. His guitar playing is shit but it still rounded out the sound very well. Any other competent guitarist would've been too good and ruined the band. 

  Even though Slash sucks, it could be worse, he could be Mick Mars...