Why Kerry King Sucks

  I'm sick of hearing how great a guitarist Slayer's Kerry King is, and how his playing is extremely unique and integral to Slayer's chaotic sound.  Kerry King sucks and here's why:

HE APPEARED IN A SUM 41 VIDEO

Sum 41 sucks. They're nothing but pop rock, pop rap and pop metal. They suck in three different genres. If you affiliate yourself with them, then you suck.

 HE APPEARED IN A BEASTIE BOYS VIDEO

again very, very lame. The Beastie Boys are nothing but Top 40, white boy, fraternity party rap. If you affiliate yourself with them, then you suck.

HIS SOLOS ARE JUST HORRIBLE

I fucking dare you to listen to this entire video and then tell me there is anything technical or skillful going on there. I'll let the actual solos speak for themselves. Just because it's fast doesn't mean its good. Saying something is good just because its fast is like saying that just because you can type 120wpm that you're going to write a bestselling novel.

HIS RIFFS ALL SOUND THE SAME

 

First I dare you to even make it through this entire video. Second I dare you to tell me that he doesn't sound like he's playing the exact same riff over and over again.  Again, just because its fast, doesn't mean its good. That's like saying my shitty 1984 Ford Tempo is a good car just because it could go over 100mph.

HIS TATTOOS ARE LAME

Tribal tattoos? really? 

In It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia—the only sitcom of the past decade worth watching—two of the main characters have the following exchange regarding tribal tattoos:

“Those are really original, by the way.”
“They’re tribal.”
“I’m sorry? What tribe are you from?”

The only people who can get away with having tribals on their flesh are MMA fighters, and that’s solely down to the fact that nobody in their right mind would openly mock them for it. If you’re thinking of getting tribal tattoos, just get yourself a T-shirt that says, “I have no imagination” instead. It will be infinitely cheaper and a whole lot less embarrassing to be seen in public with.

 HE LOOKS AT HIS GUITAR WHEN HE PLAYS

It doesn't present the music well when you stare at the guitar when you play and it doesn't present confidence either. I wrote a whole blog about this topic that you can read HERE. 

  What do you think is better someone who stares at their guitar when they play like Kerry King? 

Or someone who doesn't stare at their guitar when they play like this?

HE WEARS HIS GUITAR STRAP TOO LOW

Again, I've written an entire blog about wearing your guitars too low and you can read about it HERE. 

I view people who wear their guitars too low in much the same way I view homeboy kids who wear their pants too low. If you think it makes you look cool, it really doesn't. 

 So in summation, besides the fact that Kerry King is a douche with stupid tattoos who claims to be metal but works with rappers and pop stars, he's just a sorry excuse of a musician. He has no idea how to hold  a guitar, and when he's playing he can't take his eyes off what he's playing like a confident skillful guitarist would do, and he's just a shitty guitarist whose solos are just a barrage of unintelligible notes all while he's raping that whammy bar. His riffs are all exactly the same and nothing he has ever played has ever made anyone go, "wow, how did he do that?!" 

  I once had a woman tell me that you can tell a lot about how a guitarist is in bed by how he plays guitar.  Still think fast is good?