Why Kerry King Sucks

  I'm sick of hearing how great a guitarist Slayer's Kerry King is, and how his playing is extremely unique and integral to Slayer's chaotic sound.  Kerry King sucks and here's why:

HE APPEARED IN A SUM 41 VIDEO

Sum 41 sucks. They're nothing but pop rock, pop rap and pop metal. They suck in three different genres. If you affiliate yourself with them, then you suck.

 HE APPEARED IN A BEASTIE BOYS VIDEO

again very, very lame. The Beastie Boys are nothing but Top 40, white boy, fraternity party rap. If you affiliate yourself with them, then you suck.

HIS SOLOS ARE JUST HORRIBLE

I fucking dare you to listen to this entire video and then tell me there is anything technical or skillful going on there. I'll let the actual solos speak for themselves. Just because it's fast doesn't mean its good. Saying something is good just because its fast is like saying that just because you can type 120wpm that you're going to write a bestselling novel.

HIS RIFFS ALL SOUND THE SAME

 

First I dare you to even make it through this entire video. Second I dare you to tell me that he doesn't sound like he's playing the exact same riff over and over again.  Again, just because its fast, doesn't mean its good. That's like saying my shitty 1984 Ford Tempo is a good car just because it could go over 100mph.

HIS TATTOOS ARE LAME

Tribal tattoos? really? 

In It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia—the only sitcom of the past decade worth watching—two of the main characters have the following exchange regarding tribal tattoos:

“Those are really original, by the way.”
“They’re tribal.”
“I’m sorry? What tribe are you from?”

The only people who can get away with having tribals on their flesh are MMA fighters, and that’s solely down to the fact that nobody in their right mind would openly mock them for it. If you’re thinking of getting tribal tattoos, just get yourself a T-shirt that says, “I have no imagination” instead. It will be infinitely cheaper and a whole lot less embarrassing to be seen in public with.

 HE LOOKS AT HIS GUITAR WHEN HE PLAYS

It doesn't present the music well when you stare at the guitar when you play and it doesn't present confidence either. I wrote a whole blog about this topic that you can read HERE. 

  What do you think is better someone who stares at their guitar when they play like Kerry King? 

Or someone who doesn't stare at their guitar when they play like this?

HE WEARS HIS GUITAR STRAP TOO LOW

Again, I've written an entire blog about wearing your guitars too low and you can read about it HERE. 

I view people who wear their guitars too low in much the same way I view homeboy kids who wear their pants too low. If you think it makes you look cool, it really doesn't. 

 So in summation, besides the fact that Kerry King is a douche with stupid tattoos who claims to be metal but works with rappers and pop stars, he's just a sorry excuse of a musician. He has no idea how to hold  a guitar, and when he's playing he can't take his eyes off what he's playing like a confident skillful guitarist would do, and he's just a shitty guitarist whose solos are just a barrage of unintelligible notes all while he's raping that whammy bar. His riffs are all exactly the same and nothing he has ever played has ever made anyone go, "wow, how did he do that?!" 

  I once had a woman tell me that you can tell a lot about how a guitarist is in bed by how he plays guitar.  Still think fast is good?

 

Why BB King Sucks

For someone who is supposed to be a Bluesman, BB King sure does look happy. I mean does BB King really look like he has, “The Blues” right here? 

I just find it hard to believe that someone adorned in gold rings, a crushed velvet suit and a $10,000.00 guitar with gold plated pickups has “The Blues.” What could you possibly have the The Blues about?

So why else does B.B. King suck.

HE DOESN'T PLAY CHORDS!

What kind of guitarist doesn't play chords? That's like driving a car but saying that do make left hand turns.

HE SITS DOWN TO PLAY

 
I don't care how old you are, you need to be standing up when you play. 

HE ADMITS IT HIMSELF 

 BB King recently performed a show in St. Louis that was so bad that he had to apoloize for it, but he blamed it on being off his diabetes medication and being tired after a long bus ride.  That's no excuse. When you're a rich and famous professional musician charging money for people to hear you play, not being rested or not taking your medication is no excuse.

 So besides the fact that all his songs sound the same, and he doesn't do anything except pentatonic bends and he doesn't present his music well because he sits down to play and he's a rich and famous musician who probably doesn't want for anything yet claims to have "The Blues" The real reason BB King sucks is the fact that such a supposedly influential guitarist can't play chords. That is unforgivable. To be real "King" of the guitar means to master all aspects of it...including chords.

 

Why John Lennon Sucks

Fuck it, I've been doing a lot of reading lately and I've had a change of heart about John Lennon, so I'm going after the Sacred Cow of Music, Peace, & filthy hippies everywhere. Today I'm writing about why John Lennon sucks.

John Lennon was a Violent Wife Beater

It's true: He was a violent man, and admitted as such openly. That line in McCartney's song Getting Better, which goes "I used to be cruel to my woman, I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved . . ." was written by Lennon.

"It is a diary form of writing. All that "I used to be cruel to my woman, I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved" was me. I used to be cruel to my woman, and physically -- any woman. I was a hitter. I couldn't express myself and I hit. I fought men and I hit women." - John Lennon from a 1980 Playboy Interview.

Author Larry Kane in his book Ticket to Ride documents an incident in 1964 when Lennon slapped a lady journalist across the face. It required a lot of diplomacy and public relations skills from Brian Epstein to suppress the story.

Albert Goldman's book, "The Lives of John Lennon," even alleges that Lennon caused the death of an unborn baby he'd conceived with Yoko Ono during 1968, when he kicked the pregnant Ono in the belly during an argument.

But he wasn't just violent against women. According Goldman's book, Lennon suffered feelings of extreme guilt when his friend Stu Sutcliffe died of a brain hemorrhage. Two weeks before he and Lennon had gotten into a fight and Lennon reportedly kicked him in the head with a steel-toed boot. (He always blamed himself for Sutcliffe's death at 23.) Lennon would also get into street fights.

So John Lennon, the hippie champion of peace and love in reality had a hair-trigger temper, and he'd unleash on men, women, dogs, inanimate objects: anyone who was around. 


John Lennon Emotionally Abused His Son

It's well documented that John Lennon was a terrible father to his oldest son Julian Lennon. Julian was all but ignored by the absentee musician who would go for years at a time without seeing him and when he did see him he could be abusive. 

The book, “John Lennon: The Life” by Beatles biographer Philip Norman recounts a story by a family friend who recalls Lennon yelling, “No, I’m not going to mend your fucking bicycle!” to his young son.

 Julian Lennon even said once that Paul McCartney was more of a father to him then John Lennon was. 


John Lennon Broke Up The Beatles 

  Yes Paul McCartney was the first to publicly announce that he was leaving The Beatles in April 1970 but Lennon was the first to announce he was leaving the group in September 1969.


John Lennon was a Liar

Although most everyone embellishes or exaggerates details of their lives in some way or another, John Lennon rewrote almost every major event in his life to suit his tastes.

He claimed to be working class yet he was raised in a very comfortable middle class home. 

He denied being married during the early years of Beatlemania.

He claimed he met Yoko Ono at an art gallery but in reality their romance didn't start in some romantic fashion. She had been stalking him for months before he finally caved in to her advances.

He said he left The Beatles over Paul McCartney taking on an increasingly dominant role, but in reality it was due to a serious heroin addiction.

He said he took a few years off in the 1970's to be a stay at home dad when in reality he was in a drug induced haze. The Goldman book, "The Lives of John Lennon,"  describes Lennon spending these years watching tv all day while servants attended to his son while he did nothing but shoot heroin, and did so much coke that he was actually scheduled to have plastic surgery to repair his nasal septum several days after the day he was murdered.

John Lennon was an Unremarkable Musician

  He was never anything special on the guitar, relegated to playing the most basic rhythm parts. Nothing he ever did on the guitar has ever made anyone ever go "Holy Shit, how did he do that!?"  

  Musically his early work ripped off Roy Orbison and Buddy Holly, his late Beatlemania work directly ripped off Bob Dylan and his post Sgt. Pepper work was just drug fueled psychedelic gibberish. Have you ever read the lyrics for I am the Walrus or Come Together?  

  Incidentally, John Lennon was sued for ripping off Come Together from an old Chuck Berry song and settled the matter out of court. 


John Lennon was a Hypocrite

"I have to say that, from my point of view, I felt he was a hypocrite. Dad could talk about peace and love out loud to the world but he could never show it to the people who supposedly meant the most to him: his wife and son. How can you talk about peace and love and have a family in bits and pieces - no communication, adultery, divorce? You can't do it, not if you're being true and honest with yourself." - Julian Lennon

  The man who sang “imagine no possessions” lived a millionaire’s life in a posh New York hotel. The man who sang “imagine no religion” was obsessed with every spiritual and New Age fad that came his way, including Hindu meditation, the I-Ching, and astrology of all kinds. The man who sang “all you need is love” was a bitter, violent, and angry man who abused his family and friends. The man who praised having “nothing to kill or die for” helped finance and publicize radical groups who extolled the use of violence like the Black Panthers.



 Quite literally everything his fans see personified in the icon of John Lennon are ideals the man himself either couldn’t or wouldn’t live up to. 
 

Why I Hate Dave Grohl: Part 2

   If you missed Part 1 of Why I Hate Dave Grohl you can view it HERE.

  So let's quickly review the reasons why Dave Grohl sucks that we covered in part 1:

Ultra Lame All Star Benefit Concerts

 

  Playing at the White House in front of the establishment in a suit and tie, doing the Kennedy Center Honors twice and performing in every single celebrity all star jam or benefit gala is not Rock N Roll. Rock music has it's earliest roots as an underground movement. It's at its best when it's an underground movement. The moment you make rock a mainstream thing and put it on stage at the White House or Kennedy Center with a bunch of rich white people, it's no longer rock and roll, it's pop music.

THE MUPPETS

Playing with The Muppets is not funny, it's not cool and it's definitely not Rock N Roll. Do you really wanna go to a Foo Fighters concert and sit with a bunch of crying, shitty kids who are there because they saw him play with the Muppets?

He Hosted Chelsea Lately

Hosting late night talk shows and doing stupid skits is something Johnny Carson should do not a Rock Star. The only cameras I want my rock stars in front of are mugshot cameras.

Pop Music

 

Ever since The Color and the Shape, the Foo Fighters have been making the exact same album over and over again. It's highly commercialized and formulaic music. Adult contemporary garbage with absolutely no artistic merit or relevance. Calling the Foo Fighters rock is like calling Taco Bell authentic Mexican Cuisine.

Why I Hate Dave Grohl:  Part 2

 Dave Grohl is nothing more than a professional celebrity, and the Foo Fighters are one of the most contrived and soulless bands I’ve ever heard. I’m not sure what makes me want to take my life more: the pseudo pithy lyrics or the grating self satisfied music. I try real hard to ignore him and the Foo Fighters but between Nirvana’s induction into the Rock & Roll hall of fame, the release of Dave’s “Sound City” documentary and the bloated HBO series “Sonic Highways” that accompanies the new Foo Fighters record, he’s fucking everywhere So here are some more reasons why he sucks:

His Lyrics are Shallow and Without Substance

Here's a lyrical example. I'll let the words speak for themselves:

Buried my heart, cannot go this alone
And I might think you love me 

But I know damn well you don't

or 

Holding my breath I waited and waited
How'd the simple life get so complicated?
Shoes to fill, secrets to spill down you

or

Desperate, meaningless
All filled up with emptiness
Felt like everything was said and done

I lay there in the dark, I close my eyes
You saved me the day you came alive
  

or

Beautiful prisoner, left here for dead
Promises made and sentences read
Voices and visions are locked in my head
I could sing for sorrow

This bad emo poetry is the type of shit I would expect to find in a runaway teenage girl's diary after she killed herself and her mom is going thru her room and finds volumes and volumes of this.   

Mediocre Guitar Playing

The Foo Fighters music is so lame even a 9 year old girl can easily play it.  Which raises another important point. If 9 year old girls want to play your music then you are definitely not Rock N Roll.

He Smiles on Stage

What the hell are you smiling about? There's no smiling in Rock and Roll! Rock Stars should look angry when they play like this:

Or this is acceptable as well:

Sonic Highways

I’d almost be willing to even give David Grohl some props for his Sonic Highways documentary series on HBO about musicians whose music, unlike his, can rightly be considered art if only he didn’t end every episode with one of his God awful musical masturbatory anthems. He managed to turn what could’ve been an interesting series on musical history into a platform to promote his musical bowel movements.

  For example, Buddy Guy is one of the Blues players featured in the Chicago episode. During the course of the interview he says that he went “looking for a dime and found a quarter,” regarding his search for a life as a musician in Chicago. Sure as shit by the end of that episode Dave is shrieking the phrase over and over again in the Chicago “influenced” song, “Something from Nothing.”

His Hall of Fame Acceptance Speech

did anyone see his acceptance speech for Nirvana at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction? It had a lot of awkward F words & other profanity like he's trying to be all badass. And while he gave shout out's to his people back in Virginia or wherever he doesn't give one mention to KURT COBAIN! it was grotesque. 

 I sum this up by saying that in all my Dave Grohl hate research, I am confident when I tell you that the wrong member of Nirvana died.

We should be listening to Nirvana right now NOT the Foo Fighters.

Dave Grohl’s post Nirvana career is an insult to Kurt Cobain’s legacy. I can’t help but think that Kurt would have nothing to do with Dave were he alive.

  Of course, Kurt took care of what Kurt thinks a long time ago and despite it being a futile exercise to speculate, I’m pretty sure he would think the Foo Fighters suck and that Dave should stick to drumming.

And I say this with the realization that the Foo Fighters are just 5 years away from being eligible to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.